


falling into the sky

by Yahong



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, LGBTQ+ characters, M/M, Series, Slow Burn, any angst gets resolved within the chapter it's in because my soul is allergic to angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21529021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yahong/pseuds/Yahong
Summary: Your dance crew is backing up 5Vixx's comeback. You happen to have a big crush on Ken. It's kind of not an ideal situation for you, but your dance crew and the rest of Vixx make up for it.
Relationships: Lee Jaehwan | Ken/Reader, VIXX Ensemble/Original Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. crush

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% a self-insert fic. It's all the fluff and good happenings and resolved emotional arcs that I wish and hope will happen, in some way or another, in my life. My soul is allergic to unresolved angst, because life is hard enough and I just want my self-inserts to be happy and validated and blessed all the time, so my goal with this fic is to start and end each chapter with fluff or comfort (...not including the first chapter). I'm writing this for myself, but I would love it if you enjoyed it too.

Look, so you have the biggest crush on Ken. You try not to hold it against him; idols are hired to be crushed on, and he’s just doing his job.

But it’s _really_ annoying when you’re trying to do your own job as a back-up dancer and he’s flouncing around the practice room, doing ridiculous aegyo and hollering at the other Vixx members and in general just being his adorable damn self. You don’t want to be distracted. You don’t want to feel flutters in your gut. You don’t want to want what you can’t have. You just want to dance, get high on endorphins, and get paid.

Unfortunately, Ken doesn’t seem to get the message.

“Hey! Guys!” He skips over to the corner where your dance crew is waiting for Vixx to finish working on their solo parts. “You’re all coming to dinner afterward, right? We’re treating!”

“You mean Taekwoon’s treating?” Changyeon says wryly. He’s the oldest in the group at 40 years, and he’s known Vixx the longest.

Ken just beams and slings an arm over his shoulder. “Either way, you’re coming, yeah?”

Changyeon turns to the rest of you. “Everyone free tonight?”

The other four in your crew agree, so you keep your mouth shut, mask your lack of enthusiasm and just nod along.

Suddenly, there’s an arm being thrown around your shoulder as well. “Y/N, you’re in too?”

You look up and find Ken smiling beatifically at you from close range, his weight pulling you closer to him. Your thoughts go blank. Since when did he know your name?

“Yeah, you didn’t come to the last two,” says Hyeomi.

“Come on, live a little, unnie!” Ahwon adds.

And you can’t resist your crew, can’t turn them down just because you have a stupid crush you need to get over. “Okay, but—” You casually shrug off Ken’s arm and sidle away. “—I’m not being anyone’s designated driver, got it?”

“Of course not,” Soonil jokes, “that’s Changyeon-hyung’s job.”

“You still owe me ten thousand won for the taxi last time,” Changyeon informs him. “You too, Daesuk.”

“Wait, my place is two times closer than Soonil’s, how come we have to split half-half?!”

Before Soonil and Daesuk can get too into it, Ken lifts his hands as if to ask for silence. Obviously, he gets it.

“Tonight,” he says, puffing up his chest like he’s about to make a royal proclamation. “Tonight, Vixx will pay for all transportation home!”

And everyone cheers and laughs.

It’s a heartwarming scene, the idol joking around with the back-up dancers, one you’d enjoy under other circumstances.

But enjoying these kinds of scenes is how you and your damn feelings got in too deep in the first place. And you’re going to dig yourself out.

*

“Cheers!”

You raise your glass of water and sip as almost everyone else throws back a shot. This is another reason why you don’t often attend company get-togethers, besides avoiding Ken—it’s boring being the only sober one in a party of two dozen.

At least this evening you’re sitting between Changyeon and Hyuk, both of whom can hold their alcohol and probably won’t vomit all over you. On Changyeon’s other side, Daesuk is getting a little too into it.

“Y/N-ah, this one’s sweet, try it!” He lifts the new pitcher that’s just arrived at the table and tries to wave it at you. Alcohol goes flying. “Oops, sorry, hyung—”

Changyeon hands him eight napkins and confiscates the pitcher in return.

“Oh, that’s the lemon flower summer brew,” Hyuk speaks up unexpectedly from your other side. You turn to find him reaching for the beer. “Pass, hyung?”

“Take it easy, kid.” Changyeon hands it over and looks at you. “You want to try?”

“How sweet can lemon flowers be?” you ask wryly, watching Hyuk gulp it down like it’s orange juice.

He smacks his lips and turns to you, eyes sparkling. “It’s actually really sweet! Do you want to try, noona?”

You’ll never know if he actually knows anyone’s name, because everyone’s a noona or a hyung to him. “I’m good, thanks, Hyuk-ssi.”

“If you like sweet alcohol, we can order some more,” he continues, already re-pouring himself a glass. “They have lots of good ones here.”

Well, if he wants to use you as an excuse to order more beer, who are you to stop him?

“I’m going to the washroom,” you say to Changyeon in an undertone, “don’t let him spill any on my seat, please.”

Changyeon gives you a salute, and you extricate yourself from the table and make your way to the restrooms. There, you’re surprised to find Hongbin.

He’s leaning against the wall beyond the washroom doors, scrolling through his phone. Probably waiting for someone, you think, and move toward the women’s bathroom.

But he looks up at your movement, and recognition flickers in his eyes. “Oh, hello.” He straightens. “Are they looking for me?”

“Eh?” You nearly do a double-take; he’s never initiated a conversation one-on-one before. “Er, excuse me? Who?”

“Oh—sorry. I thought maybe they sent someone to fetch me.” He gives a sheepish smile and looks away. “Never mind.”

Ah. He’s hiding, or taking a break, perhaps. “I think you’re still good for another half hour,” you say tentatively. “They just ordered at least three more pitchers.”

“Tchh.” A small hiss of air escapes Hongbin, and you recall that he’s not fond of alcohol in general. “Well. That’ll keep them occupied.”

“Probably.” You offer a small smile.

He returns his gaze to you. Then he offers a small smile right back, one you’re pretty sure you’ve never seen up close. And Hongbin’s not your type at all, but right now you really understand why he’s the visual.

“Kong-ah!”

A loud cry splits the moment cleanly in half.

You turn with dread, and yes, it’s Ken, strutting down the hall like it’s a wobbly runway. “There you are!” When he spots you, it takes a moment for his eyes to focus enough to recognize your face. “Ah—Y/N!”

Your smile withers by itself. “Hello.” With a curt nod, you turn away and escape into the women’s bathroom.

After doing your business, you make sure the coast is clear of idols before exiting the bathroom. You glance at your watch. One more hour, then you’re heading home, you promise yourself.

There’s some kind of uproar around the table when you get back: half of the group is standing and milling about, and the other half is sitting and laughing their heads off. You make your way to your seat only to find Ravi standing on it, holding Hyuk in front of him like a human shield and screeching.

“Get it, Hyuk-ah, get it!”

Hyuk’s giggling uncontrollably. “Hyung, it’s dead, don’t worry, you drowned in alcohol.”

“No, I saw it twitching!” Ravi gives Hyuk a vigorous shake. “Kill it! Kill it!”

Since he doesn’t seem to be moving any time soon, you try to sidle past him as unobtrusively as possible to reach Changyeon. “Sunbae, what’s going on?”

“There was a bug,” he says with a snort.

Go figure.

Welp, now that your seat’s thoroughly occupied, maybe you can use this as an excuse to jet. “Can you reach my bag?” you ask quietly. “It’s under the chair.”

Changyeon looks up doubtfully at Ravi, who’s nearly bent double with hysteria. “Maybe give him a minute.”

Unfortunately, that minute is just enough time for Hyuk to turn and realize you’re back. “Oh—noona!”

That gets Ravi’s attention too, and he stops quaking long enough to squint at you. “Ah… oh! I’m on your chair!”

You stop yourself from rolling your eyes and just settle for a nod.

“I’m so sorry!” Blathering drunken apologies, Ravi shakily climbs down from the seat. “Please, sit. Sit!”

“It’s okay, Ravi-ssi—”

“Wait. My feet were on it!” He declares this with such horror, he might as well be prophesying your death. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Let me clean it for you.”

And he sets about dusting the seat of the chair with his bare hands, blowing at it for good measure.

It’s ridiculous. He looks ridiculous. But you’re laughing for the first time this evening, watching Ravi trip over his drunk-ass self to sweep your seat clean for you.

Beside you, Hyuk’s still giggling. “Yah, Ravi-hyung! Just let noona sit already.” He surprises you by taking your elbow in his large grip and pulling you forward.

“No! My shoes were on it!! My _outside_ shoes!!!”

Hyuk grabs Ravi’s belt and, with one hand, drags him away from the chair. With his other hand, he ushers you toward your seat. “Please, noona, sit,” he says sweetly to you, though the gentlemanly gesture is somewhat marred by his bubbly giggles.

“Thanks, Hyuk.” Chuckling to yourself, you sit.

But Ravi’s still standing there, reaching out with both hands like he needs to confess his sins. “I’m really sorry,” he says with a heartfelt sniff. “There was a bug, and then it was in the beer, and then the beer spilled and it was on the _ground_ …”

“It’s okay,” you tell him again firmly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry… er…” He trails off. “What was your name again?”

You just look at him for two seconds. Aaand somehow, that’s enough to set him off again.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry. That was so rude. I’m sorry I don’t know your name, I swear I’m not usually like this.” He turns and frantically nudges Hyuk in the shoulder. “Hyuk-ah, tell her, I’m not usually rude, right?”

Hyuk grins that trademark evil maknae grin. “No, usually he’s just awkward.”

“I’m not!” Ravi says. “I’m not, noona, please, believe me.”

You can’t help poking at him one more time. “ _Noona_? Do I look old to you?”

His eyes grow so huge you’re afraid his contacts might fall out. “No! No no no, that’s not what I meant, noon—I mean, no! I didn’t mean that!”

His wailing, as hilarious as it is, is starting to attract too much attention, so you decide to end it quickly. “I was just joking, Ravi-ssi, I actually am your noona.”

He cuts off his torrent of apologies with another melodramatic sniff. “…Really?”

“Yes,” you tell him with a reassuring smile.

“…Noona?”

“Yes, you can call me noona.”

Slowly his expression untwists itself as the start of a loose smile begins to edge onto his lips. He blinks away the glassiness from his eyes, then says abruptly, “I still don’t know your name, though.”

On his other side, Hyuk bursts into giggles again.

“Yah!” Ravi spins and turns on the youngest. “Why is that funny, huh? What are you laughing at?”

You let them occupy themselves and finally turn to sit properly in your chair. Beside you, Changyeon has a fist to his mouth to muffle his chortling.

“It’d probably be bad manners if I left right now, right?” you say to him in an undertone. He just nods and snorts some more.

Once Hyuk manages to push and prod Ravi back to his original seat, things calm down. You help Changyeon mop up a few more of Daesuk’s messes, get Soonil a cab when his partner calls with a family emergency and pick out filters for Ahwon’s and Hyeomi’s selfies.

Before you know it, three hours have passed and everyone’s getting up to leave. It’s the first time you’ve sat through an entire company social.

As Changyeon predicted, Leo gets the bill while the others slowly file out. You go to the bathroom again and, when you come out, find almost everyone already gone outside.

“Thank you very much,” the flustered server is saying to Leo, nodding her head repeatedly as she hands him the receipt by the tips of her fingers. “Please—ah, please come again.”

“Thanks.” Leo turns to collect his things, drunk enough to happily ignore the server’s fangirling.

You’re about to follow suit when you notice the server still standing in the same spot, her expression slowly freezing over. She’s holding the machine in one hand and staring at the restaurant’s copy of the receipt in her other.

The look of horror on her face contrasts so harshly with her previously blissful expression that it makes you step a little closer. “Is everything okay?” you ask.

She looks up with a startled backward hop, then relaxes when she sees you instead of Leo. “Ah, yes! Um, I, that is…”

That hesitation clearly means _no_. “Did we miss something on our bill?” You bend to peer at the receipt.

“No,” she says in a small voice. “I… I forgot to add the 18% service charge for groups of twenty or more.”

“Oh.” That’s an easy-enough fix. You pull out your credit card. “Here, I’ll cover it.”

Relief breaks over her face. “Thank you so much! I’m very sorry, this won’t happen again.”

Not like you’ll be coming here again anytime soon with twenty people, but you appreciate the sentiment. “There you go.” You tap and hand back the machine.

“Thank you, thank you.” She bows twice, then stops to neatly rip off the receipt and hand it to you before bowing again. “Thank you so much, I—”

“Y/N?” Leo walks over, all bundled up in his winter wear and walking like a penguin. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing,” you say quickly. “Just checking something.”

“Checking what?” Leo reaches for the receipt in your hand.

You quickly stuff it into your pocket, determined not to embarrass the server in front of him. “Actually, she wanted to take a photo with you,” you pivot. “That’s okay, right?”

The request takes a moment to process in Leo’s tipsy brain. Then he smiles loopily. “Oh. Sure.”

“Perfect.” You turn to the server; she’s staring back at you with her mouth slack. “Here, give me your phone and I’ll take a photo of you two.”

“Unnie… thank you so much,” she whispers back, her eyes shining. You smile and take her phone.

Leo’s extra-cuddly when he’s drunk, so you take a little advantage of this and direct him closer. “Leo-ssi, put your arm around her, I need to get both of you in the frame.”

He does so obediently, and the server’s beaming hard enough to light up the night. It’s no surprise the photos turn out fantastic. (Well, she looks fantastic; Leo definitely looks drunk.)

After taking way more photos than necessary so as to prolong the moment for her, you finally hand back her phone. “There you go.” 

“Thank you,” she repeats once again, almost on the verge of tears. “This is… thank you so—”

Leo interrupts her gushing by waving languidly at you, rather like a queen summoning her subject. “Come on, Y/N, let’s take a photo together.”

You look up. “Huh? Why?”

“It’s your turn now,” he says, like it’s obvious.

Uhh… “I’m okay, I don’t need a photo.”

“You don’t want to?” He frowns.

“It’s not that—” You hold back your laugh. “We see each other at least once a week, Leo-ssi.”

He cocks his head. “Oh. You’re right.”

“You’re so lucky,” the server whispers beside you.

You smile at her. “Thanks for putting up with us tonight.”

“Oh, of course! It was a pleasure.” She bows deeply to you, and then to Leo. “Have a good night! Take care! Come again!”

“Good night,” Leo says cheerily to her, and then decides to sling his arm on your shoulders next.

You awkwardly walk out like that, half-supporting Leo’s weight and half-being dragged forward by his long stride. By the time you make it out the door, there’s only Ken and Changyeon left by the taxi stand.

“Hyung!” Ken waves widely at Leo. “There you are, I thought you got lost down the toilet.”

“No.” Leo sways a little when you prod him upright, but he stays on his feet. “Not down the toilet. Down Y/N’s pocket.”

The three of you gape at him. Changyeon shoots you a look that says _???_ You return one that says _??????_

Then Leo thrusts his hand into the air in triumph, and there, fluttering in his grip, is the restaurant receipt. _Your_ restaurant receipt.

You check your coat pocket, and yep, it’s no longer there. He must’ve used the arm around your shoulder to sneak it out.

“Leo,” you say in your sternest tone, “give that back to me.”

“Nope!” He smiles proudly and brings the paper close to his nose. “Let’s see…”

“What’s that? What is it?” Ken shuffles around to try and read it.

Changyeon sidles over to you. “What’s going on?” he mutters.

“It’s nothing, the server just forgot to add the service charge when she billed Leo, so I covered it,” you mutter back.

“Ahh.”

“Do you think I can expense it to the company?” you joke.

Leo whips around before Changyeon can reply. “Y/N.”

“Hm?” You look up to find him staring at you, smile gone. “Uh, what is it?”

“You paid the tip. For our meal.”

“Er,” you say. “Yeah.”

“But we were treating.”

“And I chipped in a little, that’s all.”

“No, that’s not right.” Leo’s drawing himself up to his full height now, his sense of injustice apparently awakened. “We can’t make you pay for that.”

“You didn’t make me pay—”

And now Leo’s got his wallet out, fumbling casually through paper bills like it’s Monopoly money. You huff out an exasperated laugh and hurry forward to stop him.

“Leo, it’s fine. No, it’s fine, seriously—don’t flash your thousands out on the street like this, it’s not safe.” 

“Y/N-ah.” He looks earnestly into your eyes as he adds on the informal suffix.

“Yes?” You let him take your hands between his mittened ones.

“You’re not going to pay, okay?”

You give up trying to convince him and switch tactics instead. “Okay, okay, I’m not paying.” You pat his hands. “Now, Changyeon-sunbae’s going to call you guys a taxi, okay?”

“No!” Ken shouts suddenly, making all of you jump. “It was supposed to be Vixx treating all of you. Vixx paying for transportation. We can’t let you pay!”

In the silence that follows, everyone just looks at him.

You’re a little too tired to think of a neutral response to his outburst, so you decide to ignore it and turn back to Leo. “Here, put your wallet away and go stand with Changyeon-sunbae.” You send a look over your shoulder to Changyeon, who comes over and starts tugging Leo toward the taxi stand.

“C’mon, Taekwoon-ah, put those bills back…”

Whew. That’s one tipsy Leo out of your hands.

But Ken doesn’t follow; he stays rooted in the same place, staring at you.

“Do you hate me?” he asks suddenly.

Your head snaps around so fast you’re sure something cracks.

Rubbing your neck gingerly, you say, “Excuse me?”

He tilts his head, unsmiling. “Why do I feel like you don’t like me?”

Um… “I’m not sure,” you reply cautiously. You’re not sure how much of this he’s going to remember tomorrow, but either way, you need to keep this conversation as safe as possible.

“You smile with Hongbin-ah. You laugh with Ravi and Hyogi. You’re touchy with Leo-hyung.” Ken’s counting on his gloved fingers like a toddler. “You don’t do any of those with me. You ignore me.”

Not a lie. “I don’t hate you, Ken-ssi,” you say, instead of addressing his statements. “I’m glad to have the chance to work with you.”

“But you don’t _like_ me.”

For some reason, those words coming out of his mouth make your temper rise. It’s easy for an idol like him to be liked. Why should he complain because you’re fighting it, because you don’t want to show it? Why should he poke and question you like this when you’re trying to get over it? Why should he get to ask these things on a drunken Friday night while you’re scooping out your heart little by little to make a living?

Fuck.

“I do like you,” you snap. “I like you a lot, Lee Jaehwan.”

It’s the angriest confession you’ve ever given.

But maybe this is how the end starts. Maybe this is how you turn the page for yourself.

Ken blinks. Takes in those words.

Then he beams. “Really?”

Jesus.

You sigh and turn away. If you can just freeze-frame this image of him, smiling drunkenly at nothing, asking “Really?” like a clueless dumbass, and burn it into your memory, then you’re sure you really will be able to get over him.


	2. baby

You walk into the practise room on Monday to find Vixx huddled in a circle right inside the door, laughing over something on Hyuk’s phone.

He calls out to you right away, taking you by surprise. “Noona, hey!”

You pause and look over. “Oh, hello.”

Hyuk holds out his phone toward you. “You took this photo?”

A little warily, you walk just close enough to see what’s on the screen. “Oh. Yes.” It’s the photo of Leo with the restaurant server. “From the dinner on Friday, right?”

For some reason that makes Hyuk burst into a string of giggles, while beside him Ravi and Hongbin snicker amongst themselves. Opposite you, Ken’s grinning widely. Leo’s the only one not amused.

“Don’t show it,” he complains to Hyuk, making a weak lunge for the phone.

“If she’s the one who took the photo, then she’s already seen it,” Ravi points out with a snort.

“Yeah, no point in hiding exactly how drunk you look,” Hyuk says cheerfully.

“Um,” you say. “Is there something wrong?” You’re sure you’ve seen them take photos with members of the general public at all times of day. Surely you’re not in trouble just because you helped take one.

“No,” Hongbin tells you, humour warming his tone. “Leo-hyung just thinks he looks dumb in the photo.”

“He does look dumb,” Hyuk says cheekily, then ducks away from Leo’s incoming throat chop.

“Think of our Starlight babies, Leo-hyung!” Ken chirps. “Aren’t they worth throwing away the last remains of your dignity?”

“I didn’t know he had any dignity left,” Ravi says.

“His dignity is in the negatives now,” Hyuk says.

“Ahh, that makes sense.”

“No, it doesn’t,” says Hongbin, straight-faced.

“Put it away,” Leo’s whining.

“It’s already on Twitter, hyung, everyone’s gonna see it eventually.”

Leo rounds on you with a sharp inhale. “You posted it on Twitter?”

Eh?! “No, I didn’t!” you defend yourself.

“No, no, the fan posted it,” Hyuk corrects.

“I took that photo with _her_ phone,” you add. “For her.”

Leo cedes quickly. “Hm. Right.” He pauses. Then, in a very different tone, he says, “That was nice of you.”

“Oh. Well…” The sudden softness to his voice takes you aback.

“Wait!” Ken suddenly interjects. “That’s when you were inside covering our tip, right?”

“Huh?” Ravi, Hongbin and Hyuk all swivel to look at you.

There’s a sharp inhale from Leo as his eyes widen.

Yikes. You back up from all of their gazes, wondering exactly how Ken remembers all this. And what else does he remember?

“That’s right,” Leo says slowly, the memory apparently dawning on him. “That’s how we ended up taking that photo… because you were inside paying the tip…”

Okay, gotta cut all this reminiscing off. You default back to your most reliable weapon: politeness. “It was a fun dinner, thank you.” You smile vaguely. “Let’s work hard today, too.”

And with a cheesy fistpump, you turn and hurry into the crowd of crew members already setting up along the far side of the room.

Daesuk’s swinging his legs from his perch on the sound system amp that Changyeon’s setting up. “Y/N-ah,” he says, “since when are you so friendly with Vixx?”

“Never mind that, unnie—” Ahwon pushes him over so she can plop down beside him. “—since when do you fistpump and say ‘fighting’???”

“I didn’t say ‘fighting’!” you protest.

“But you fistpumped!”

“...Yeah, okay, I fistpumped.”

Daesuk laughs at your guilty face. “Did they make you?”

“Who?”

“Vixx! You were talking with them for like five minutes.”

“No, Daesuk-ah, they did not make me fistpump.”

“How weird would that be.” Ahwon shudders.

“Hey, kids, move along.” Changyeon comes over to get the amp into place.

“Oh, sorry, sunbae.” Ahwon and Daesuk hop off.

“Need help, hyung?”

“I’m good. You guys should go warm up before Jaeeun gets here.”

Ahwon’s eyes grow wide. “You’re right.”

Damn. “See, this is another reason why I don’t go to our socials,” you complain jokingly. “Jaeeun-saem’s always determined to exercise all the alcohol out of everyone afterward.”

“But that’s how we stay young!” Ahwon leads the way toward the open side of the room. “Work out your liver and your metabolism one day, work out your lungs and your muscles the next.”

“That formula’s got to expire by your thirty-third birthday, latest.”

“So you have three more years, then, Y/N-ah,” Daesuk says. “Yay!”

“Besides, look at Changyeon-oppa, he’s doing great.”

You laugh and settle into a stretch. “True. I guess I’ll aspire to be Changyeon one day.”

“That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me,” Changyeon comments as he joins you.

“What about all those times I called you my role model, hyung?” Daesuk demands.

“Yeah, hyung, me too!” Ken’s chipper voice joins your conversation.

You pull out of your stretch and turn cautiously to face him. He’s bouncing on his heels next to your little group with a smile for everyone. Ahwon and Daesuk nod a polite hello, while Changyeon slips into easy banter with Ken.

“Jaehwan-ah, you’ve literally never called me your role model once in the ten years we’ve known each other.”

“Aw, come on, hyung, you know you’re my one and only idol…”

By force of habit, you distance yourself from Ken by drifting over to another corner of the room. Ravi and Hongbin are there; Hongbin’s busy checking his make-up in a compact, but Ravi looks up at your approach.

“Oh—” He stands and greets you. “Hello.”

“Hello.” You nod back, surprised when he starts walking over to you.

Once he’s right in front of you, he clears his throat and reaches into his pocket. Next thing you know, he’s bent in a ninety-degree bow, holding out a stack of bills to you.

“I’m sorry for my poor behaviour last Friday,” he says to the ground, “and for all the trouble I caused you. Please allow me to repay you in return.”

Your eyes bug out. “Uhhhh, it was no bother, you don’t need to pay me.”

He lifts his head and shuffles closer to thrust the bills into your face. “It’s not paying, really—Leo-hyung said you covered our tip, right? So I’m _re_ paying you. As an apology.”

“Ravi-ssi, that’s really not necessary,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Everyone was tipsy, it was fine.”

“Being drunk isn’t an excuse,” he says immediately, which makes your evaluation of him rise several notches. “I shouldn’t have bothered you with that kind of inappropriate behaviour.”

“It didn’t bother me, okay?” You try to think of something reassuring to say. “It wasn’t inappropriate, it was… cute.” Sure, let’s go with that.

His eyes go round. “C-cute?”

“Yes, cute. And funny,” you say firmly, hoping that’ll embarrass him enough to drop it. “So there’s nothing to apologize for.” You nod and prepare to make your exit. “Then…”

“Wait!” He’s wearing a sheepish expression when you turn back around. “Um. Sorry, noonim… I still don’t know your name.”

Oh. “My name is Y/N.” You motion to the other side of the room. “I’m part of Changyeon-sunbae’s dance crew, with Jeong Ahwon, Byeon Hyeomi, Ahn Soonil and Gu Daesuk.” Which reminds you: where are Hyeomi and Soonil?

“Oh, of course I knew you’re part of our dance crew,” Ravi says hastily. “I mean, we’ve been practising together for weeks now.”

You nod vaguely as you sneak a look around. They take the same bus route, so maybe traffic’s bad. At least Jaeeun-saem isn’t here yet either, so the two of them are still in the clear.

As you turn back, you see Leo walking in your direction with a frown. You quickly pivot to face away, but you’re pretty sure he’s coming straight toward you and Ravi.

“Yah.” Leo marches straight past you to plant himself between you and Ravi. “I said _I_ would pay her back.”

“Huh?” Ravi straightens. “What are you talking about?”

Leo pivots to face you, blocking Ravi. “Don’t mind him. I’ll have the amount transferred to your bank account by the end of the day.”

“What?” You’re bewildered by this abrupt declaration. “That’s not necessary—”

“Why?” Ravi demands, elbowing Leo out of the way. “I have the money right here!”

“You don’t even know how much the service charge was.”

“This is a hundred thousand in total, that should be more than enough.”

What?! _Who carries around one hundred thousand won in cash?!_ Slowly you start backing up, step by step, distancing yourself on instinct from all that money.

“Hey, whoa there—”

That’s all the warning you get before you run right into someone. Apologizing on instinct, you turn and find Ken’s smiling, inquisitive face looking down at you. Your stomach flutters.

“Sorry,” you repeat quickly, then move to side-step him and flee this idol-infested corner of the room.

But unfortunately your tiny collision with Ken has drawn Leo’s and Ravi’s attention again. “Y/N-ah!”

What the hell? You whirl to stare at Leo. What’s he hollering your name so loudly for? And what’s with the informal address?

“What’s up, hyung?” Ken tosses an arm around your shoulders, easy as you please, keeping you in place as Leo and Ravi approach. “Ooh, Wonshik-ah, what’s that?”

“Nothing.” Ravi tucks the wad of cash behind his back protectively.

Leo presses forward. “Y/N-ah, I’ll transfer the money to you tonight, please keep an eye out for it.”

“Leo-ssi, that’s _not_ necessary.” Your tone isn’t as firm as you’d like; most of your attention is focused on not squirming uncomfortably underneath the weight of Ken’s arm.

“Oh, for the tip?” Thankfully, he removes his arm to take out his phone. “Here, Y/N-ah, I can do it now. What’s your email?”

“Jaehwan-ah,” Leo says on a displeased hiss, “I’ll do it.”

Ken looks up, eyes wide and innocuous. “Hm? I might as well do it now, though, I have my bank account set up on my phone.”

That prompts Ravi to bring his bills out into the open again. “Wait, I have the money right here! Noonim, please, take it—”

Leo grabs Ravi’s arm and forces it down. “Yah, I said _I’d_ give her the money.”

“What’s the big deal?” Ken’s chuckling beside you.

You look around frantically, searching for anything or anyone who might be able to save you from this surreal situation. Hongbin’s gaze abruptly catches yours; he’s still seated on the bench by the wall, watching you all with an expression of amusement. You widen your eyes, desperate enough to see if you can tell him through facial grimaces to come over and control his hyungs.

Miracle of miracle, it works somehow: he stands leisurely and walks over in time to dodge Ravi as he staggers backward to avoid a swipe from Leo. “Shadow-boxing so early, hyung?”

Leo rounds on him, sufficiently insulted and distracted, while Ravi picks his ass up off the floor with a pout. Ken’s thoroughly entertained as their audience, so you take the chance to make a hasty exit.

But as you turn, you nearly run right into Hyuk. He’s not paying attention to you, looking toward his hyungs curiously, mouth half-open to call to them.

 _No_. That’s going to ruin your escape. Urgently, you grab onto his arm to get his attention. “Uh, Hyuk-ssi.”

He halts, blinking at you in complete surprise like he hadn’t even seen you there. (Maybe he hadn’t, given how much stupidly taller he was.) “Oh, hi, noona.”

“Do you, um…” _Yikes, how thick is his forearm??_ You let go as you try and come up with something. “Do you know where Hyeomi and Soonil are?”

… Okay, not the greatest. Why would he care about the whereabouts of two back-up dancers? But whatever, at least now he’s not about to draw attention over to where you are.

His brows come together in confusion. “Hm? They’re not here?” He turns to scan the practice room.

And it’s like he’s summoned them or something—or at least, summoned Hyeomi. She comes through the door at that very moment, followed by Jaeeun-saem.

“Oh, there’s Hyeomi-noona…”

You’re no longer paying attention to Hyuk. Hyeomi’s walking in with a shellshocked expression on her face, still holding all her stuff like she came straight to the practice room after getting here, and you’re hurrying toward her before you know it.

“Hyeomi-yah,” you call, and she jerks up her head like she’s been startled out of a daze. Her eyes seem to latch onto your face. “Hyeomi-yah, hey.”

When you reach her, she’s instinctively trying to pull up a smile. “Unnie, hi.”

You put a hand to her shoulder. “Hey, is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

Her smile collapses. “Soonil’s partner is in the hospital.”

“ _What?_ ” You pull her further into the room, sit her down on an empty chair and crouch beside her. “Since when? For what?”

With clammy hands, Hyeomi slowly puts her things down. “I don’t know, I was just waiting at the bus stop, waiting for him to text me back and let me know if he was taking the bus today, and then he said…”

She fishes her phone out of her bag, swipes to her messages and reads: “‘I’m in the hospital with Dagun. I won’t make it today, I’m sorry.’”

You exhale sharply, stand and look for Changyeon. “When did he send the text?”

“About half an hour ago.”

Changyeon’s greeting Jaeeun-saem by the sound equipment. You start toward him, Hyeomi on your heels.

“Hyeomi,” he greets her, “bad traffic?”

“Sunbae, have you gotten any messages from Soonil?” you interrupt.

“Hm? I don’t think so.” He pats his pockets, then realizes, “Oh, my phone’s in the break room. Why?”

Hyeomi holds her phone out to him.

He reads it, and a frown carves itself into his face. “Hang on. I’ll get my phone.” Changyeon heads straight out of the room.

Jaeeun is looking at Hyeomi, concern in her face. “Hyeomi.”

But Hyeomi seems to anticipate what she’s going to say, and quickly ducks a bow. “Thank you very much for the ride. I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Jaeeun replies, though her frown remains.

Hyeomi turns and heads back toward her things, and you follow her. “Jaeeun-saem drove you in?”

“Yeah. She saw me at the stop and picked me up there.” Hyeomi sinks back down on the chair, and you crouch again and put your hand on her arm.

At that point, Ahwon and Daesuk spot the two of you and ditch warming up to come over.

“Hyeomi-yah! You’re late for once,” Ahwon jokes.

Upon seeing Hyeomi’s expression, Daesuk elbows Ahwon. “Is something wrong?” he asks, gaze flicking to you.

“Soonil’s partner is in the hospital,” you say quietly.

Daesuk’s eyes widen. “You mean Dagun?”

“What? Since when?” Ahwon demands.

“I don’t know, but—remember Soonil left early on Friday?” Hyeomi says.

“Friday…?” Daesuk blanches. “Oh no.”

“ _That’s_ why he didn’t text all weekend,” Ahwon says.

“Oh no, and I kept telling him to stay for one more shot.” Daesuk sinks to his haunches next to you. “Oh God.”

Before you can try and reassure him, Changyeon appears in the doorway again. He catches your eye and beckons.

As one, the four of you hurry across the practice room and to Changyeon. He withdraws into the hall, looking grave, and you all crowd after him.

“Hyung, what’s going on?”

“Did Soonil text you anything?”

He nods. “Come to the break room, we’ll talk there.”

In tense silence, you follow Changyeon into the empty break room. His phone is sitting in the middle of the big table; he scoops it up and motions for you to crowd around.

“I’m going to call him,” he informs you, and puts through a video-call before any of you can say anything.

Soonil picks up after a while. “Hyung?”

“Soonil, the team’s here.” Changyeon leans back a bit so the rest of you can crowd into frame.

“Soonil-ah, is everything okay?”

“How’s Dagun?”

As he’s bombarded by concern, you realize: he looks tired, but… happy. He’s framed by beige hospital walls and poor fluorescent lighting, and it’s not the most flattering angle, but he looks happy.

“I’m okay,” he says once he can get a word in. “I actually… I have some news to announce.”

You can almost feel Daesuk, Ahwon and Hyeomi hold their breaths, bracing for the worst.

“Dagun-ah and I—we’ve…” He hesitates once more, then says it: “Dagun’s given birth. To our baby.”

Shocked silence.

“Oh my God,” you say. “Soonil. Congratulations! Oh my God!”

That sets off Ahwon: “Soonil-ah! Are you serious?! You were expecting? Jeez, I’m so happy for you!” She jumps on the spot, clinging onto your shoulder so hard it hurts.

Daesuk’s staring, mouth hanging open. “Dagun… was pregnant?”

You elbow him. “Yes, Dagun was pregnant,” you say sternly. “And now Soonil’s a father.”

That seems to get through to him. “Wow, congrats!” he splutters. “Wow, I never imagined … but wow. That’s great, congrats!”

“Yah, Soonil!” Hyeomi sounds like she might tear up. “Why didn’t you tell us anything? We were so worried something terrible had happened!”

“You didn’t message the whole weekend!” you add.

“Is Dagun okay?” Ahwon asks. “He got through all right?”

Soonil nods a little. “It was—at the start, there was some… but he’s fine now,” he says, smile breaking through again. “He’s with Munsik right now.”

“Munsik?” you repeat.

“Munsik??” Ahwon and Hyeomi say at the same time.

“It’s a boy?!” Daesuk says joyfully.

Changyeon just adds a little chuckle, one that Soonil returns.

“Yes. He’s a boy.”

“Oh my God.” You’re starting to tear up, too. “Soonil-ah, I’m so, so happy for you.”

His smile is blinding. “Thank you, everyone. It means a lot.”

“Please tell us next time something happens like this,” Hyeomi says, “we have to emotionally prepare ourselves!”

“Seriously,” Daesuk adds. “One of us is a _parent_ now!”

“Thank you for sharing with us,” Ahwon says, a little choked up. “I’m so glad for you, Soonil-ah.”

Changyeon clears his throat. “You should get back to Dagun, Soonil-ah. I’ll text you about parental leave details later, okay?”

“Right.” Soonil nods, then hesitates. “…Shall I send photos of him? Munsik?”

You, Daesuk, Ahwon and Hyeomi all shout “YES!” at once. The volume causes Changyeon to leap backward half a foot from surprise, dropping his phone on the table, and everyone scrambles to pick it up again.

Soonil’s laughing, and it almost makes your heart ache to see him this happy. “Okay. I’ll send photos.”

With that reassurement, you say goodbye in a flurry of cheer and contentment, and Changyeon ends the call.

For a moment you just stare at each other, eyes shining.

“Oh my God.” You let out a long breath and drop into a chair. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it.”

“Thank God,” Hyeomi says fervently. “I’m so glad it was good news.”

Daesuk just shakes his head. “Soonil. A _dad_.”

Ahwon sniffs. “I think I’m going to cry.”

“Don’t!” Daesuk says immediately. “You’ll make me cry!”

“But I’m so _happy_.”

You laugh, overcome with the urge to hug them all one by one.

“If only he’d told us earlier,” Hyeomi says.

“I’m sure he had reasons why he didn’t,” Changyeon says calmly. “And I think we should keep this among ourselves for now, until he decides to let others know.”

“Of course,” Hyeomi hastens to agree. Then she smiles wider. “But _we’re_ getting baby photos!”

“It’s weird,” you say, “I don’t like baby photos. But I really want to see Soonil’s.”

“No, you don’t like random strangers’ baby photos,” Ahwon corrects you. “But this is Soonil.”

“It’s Soonil,” Daesuk agrees.

You close your eyes and let your fondness for your team expand inside you until you think you might explode from it, might float away and live forever like this, eyes closed and smiling and so happy.

“Everyone,” Changyeon says, “we do still have practice.”

That brings you all back down to earth.

“Ah, you’re right.” You stand from the chair, then can’t help bouncing on the balls of your feet. “I feel like I could dance forever, right now.”

“ _Same_ ,” Hyeomi agrees.

“We’re gonna kill Jaeeun-saem’s post-drinking routine,” Ahwon says with determination. “Come on, let’s go!”

Outside the practice room, you all school your expressions and do your best to walk back in with straight faces and neutral answers to the other crews’ curious questions. It’s easy enough to say “Soonil just has a family thing, nothing serious.” But damn is it hard to hide the buoyancy within you, the sheer joy that your entire crew is feeling right now.

Jaeeun-saem’s exercise routine only serves to fuel the feelings higher as the endorphins start to overload your brain. When she finally ends the routine, you’re sweaty but still pratically vibrating with energy.

Impulsively, you turn to Hyeomi beside you and draw her into a hug. “Good work, Hyeomi-yah.”

She laughs and squeezes you tight. “You too, unnie!”

You’re both laughing as you part, and you think maybe a few other crew members are wondering why you seem so hysterical, but you don’t even care.

As Daesuk passes by, you give him a hug too. “Daesuk-ah, good job today,” you say, hiding your massive smile against his shirt.

“I know,” he replies happily as he returns your hug without hesitation.

“Are you actually going to say ‘fighting’ this time, unnie?” You turn to see Ahwon grinning at you, a mirror to your expression.

“Maybe I will,” you taunt, and grab her in a hug. “Ahwon-ah, you did good today!”

“Fighting, unnie!” she teases back, and both of you laugh before you let go.

When you turn the other way, a little tipsy from sheer joy, there’s someone else beside you. “Are we giving free hugs today?”

It’s a warm voice. It’s Ken’s voice. You look up, and it’s like the sight of his beautiful smiling face is an adrenaline shot straight through your blood, through your mind, through your heart.

“Good work, Jaehwan-ah!” you say without thinking.

And then you hug him.


	3. hug

He’s firm. More solid than his slim frame looks. With the height difference, your chin barely manages to wedge over his shoulder; when Ken lifts his arms around you and returns the hug, it’s like he’s gently pushing you into place, so you’ll fit together.

He’s laughing in your ear as he does so, and the tinge of surprise in his voice brings you back to your senses.

You yank yourself backward out of his embrace so forcefully, he nearly falls on his face. “I’m sorry, please excuse me, Ken-ssi.” You bow immediately. “I wasn’t thinking properly.”

“No, it’s fine!” he protests.

“Excuse me,” you repeat, and flee this mortifying scene for more familiar faces.

Changyeon looks up at your high-speed approach and says, “Don’t hug me, I’m sweaty.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” you say, tone a little overly bright.

“What’s next, hyung?” Daesuk asks.

“We have this room until noon, so Jaeeun’s going to go over the new formations for the comeback choreography with us.”

“New formations?” Hyeomi tilts her head. “Aren’t we getting a replacement for Soonil?”

“Yeah, I’m partnerless,” Ahwon says.

“Yes, we will be getting a replacement dancer,” Changyeon confirms. “But he’ll take my place, and I’ll take Soonil’s place.”

“Eh?” Your eyebrows shoot up. “So I’m going to be paired with him?”

Changyeon nods. “I want someone more experienced to balance out the new dancer. You can make sure he adapts.”

You frown. One of your favourite things about your crew is the synergy you all have with each other—but that means bringing in an outsider is almost always a chore.

“Sorry, unnie,” Ahwon says with a sympathetic smile.

“Maybe the replacement will be good this time,” Daesuk suggests hopefully.

“Don’t get my hopes up, Daesuk-ah.”

“I’ll count on you to make sure he works well with us, Y/N,” Changyeon says to you.

You sigh. “This is what happens when you get too old, children.”

“You’re not allowed to say that while I’m in the room,” Jaeeun jokes as she walks over. “Now, let’s use the next hour to practice the new formations.”

*

For the first fifteen minutes, it’s back to basics—blocking. The five of you and the five Vixx members walk through the choreography formations, while Jaeeun watches to ensure Changyeon’s following Soonil’s position instead of his original.

“Let’s try it with just you guys,” she says to your crew, waving Vixx off to the sidelines. “You should be able to mark your positions without the members there.”

So you go through it another time. It’s weird doing it alone, but it’s not hard. On the other hand, Changyeon’s having some difficulty not drifting back toward the position opposite you.

“Changyeon, you’re in between the positions,” Jaeeun points out. “The line should cross diagonally to Ahwon here.”

“Right.” Changyeon blows his hair out of his eyes.

Jaeeun considers, then suggests, “Let’s have someone stand in across Y/N for now until you get it.”

“Want me to?” Daesuk offers.

“No, he might start drifting between Hyeomi and Ahwon then.” Jaeeun looks around the room. For what, you’re not sure; there’s no one else there besides you guys, Vixx and their managers.

…Her eyes land on Vixx.

“Hey, kids,” she calls, making them all look up. “Someone come stand in as Y/N’s partner.”

You’ve had idols deign to walk through some back-up choreography before. Kind of awkward, but you can deal. As long as it’s not—

“Sure!”

…Ken.

Here he comes, trotting over with a big smile on his face for everyone.

Okay. No need to panic. He’s just standing in, literally. You’re not going to actually dance opposite him.

“Jaehwan, just stay to Y/N’s left as she walks, okay? And avoid the others.”

“Yes, saem!” He salutes.

“Changyeon, Ahwon, let’s try that again,” Jaeeun says, and starts the music.

The good thing about Ken being on your left is that you don’t have to look at him. You give the others extra room as you move about your position, letting them dodge Ken whenever he strays off-track, and keep your eyes facing forward.

Jaeeun stops the music. “Okay, better. Now, you two try it by yourselves.” She waves you, Daesuk, Hyeomi and Ken back. “Remember, you’re moving toward and away from each other almost all the time, but the angle of the line changes, okay? That’s what you have to memorize…”

You retreat, still determinedly not looking at Ken, and silently urge Hyeomi and Daesuk over so you won’t be alone with Ken at the back of the room.

But Ken strikes first.

“Y/N-ah.”

You almost flinch. Steeling yourself, you arrange your face to hopefully express something other than mortification. “Yes, Ken-ssi?”

“I liked it better when you called me Jaehwan-ah.” He’s smiling a small, friendly smile. “We can drop the formalities, right?”

Uh.

“…You don’t actually hate me, do you?”

He’s still smiling, but his eyes are searching yours, and you know he’s referencing that small conversation by the taxi stand on Friday night.

“No,” you manage. “Of course not.”

“Great! Then let’s be friendly with each other, okay, Y/N-ah?”

Being friendly with someone you’re trying to get over doesn’t seem like the best idea. But faced with his happy smile, you can only nod and try to look relatively okay with the idea.

At your nod, his smile somehow _sweetens_ , the edges of his lips curling up or his eyes sparkling some more or something else dumb that makes him look just beautiful, and it tips you off-balance.

Irritating. You don’t want to be off-balance.

No. You’re going to tip him right back.

“Jaehwan-ah,” you say deliberately.

“Yes?” He looks pleased to hear the informal address.

You lean in a bit. He leans in a bit, too.

“I’m four years older than you.”

He pulls back so sharply that you actually smile for real, albeit very wryly. “Ah… oh—actually?” He widens his eyes at you. “You’re…?”

“Yes.” You take in his disbelief with a weird sense of satisfaction. Yep, you’re not the typical twenty-something fresh-faced dancer who might someday become an idol if they train hard enough. You’re a back-up dancer, at an age considered old in the industry, and that’s the extent of your role.

Aaand now Ken’s bowing to you. “I’m sorry! I apologize for addressing you so informally until now. It was my mistake.”

“Uh, no, that’s fine, I don’t really care.” What is it with Vixx and apologizing via bow for every small thing? You should’ve anticipated this.

Daesuk and Hyeomi are looking over at you, and you make brief eye contact to ask for help, but it’s abruptly cut off when Ken straightens again.

“I shouldn’t have assumed and overstepped,” he says earnestly to you. “I’m sorry, noona.”

…That term should not sound so pleasant coming from him.

“It’s fine,” you repeat. “I didn’t tell you, you couldn’t have known.”

He cocks his head at you. “Yeah. There’s no way I could have guessed! Just look at you.”

 _Just look at you_.

Why those words make you nervous and fluttery, you have no idea. So you nervously laugh it off and avoid his gaze.

But now he’s spreading his arms, like he’s asking for a…

“Hug it out, noona?”

And he stays like that, smile shining.

This won’t do. You reach out and give his bicep a feeble pat while making desperate eye contact with Hyeomi and Daesuk, telepathing _Save me!!_ as hard as you can.

Fortunately, they get your signal this time. When they drift over to join the two of you, Jaehwan drops his arms and engages them easily in small talk. With the others there, you relax a bit more and let yourself ease into the conversation as well.

When Jaeeun calls everyone back together, you’re better, calmer. It feels like you’ve level-set your relationship with Ken somehow through that interaction. He’s no longer addressing you so informally, he’s no longer wondering if you hate him, and he’s settled on ‘friendly’ as your relationship dynamic. You can live with that.

*

Right after lunch, Soonil sends the first set of baby photos.

You all camp out in an empty stairwell to exclaim and squeal over the wobbly photographs of Munsik. In your opinion, he resembles a big beige potato wearing clothes with lines and creases in odd places, but he’s a cute potato, you can’t deny it.

“Do you think they’ll be offended if I message, ‘He’s such a cute potato’?” you wonder aloud to your friends.

“Maybe leave out the ‘potato’ part and just say he’s cute,” Daesuk suggests.

“Everyone’s going to say that, though,” Ahwon says.

“He’ll like hearing it from all of us anyway.”

“And,” Hyeomi says, a little softer, “maybe not that many people know about Munsik yet. Right?”

You consider this. “Okay, I’ll write ‘He’s such a cutie!!’ then. With two exclamation marks.”

“Two?” Ahwon chuckles. “You’ll make his day.”

“And that’s why we’re the ones who do know about Munsik,” you say proudly.

“Oh my God, Changyeon-oppa.” Hyeomi’s staring at our group chat with a tragic look on her face. “Look at what he just wrote.”

“Hm?” Daesuk looks over her shoulder. “‘Enjoy your time together as new parents.’ What’s wrong with… oh.”

“Is it a winky-face?” Ahwon asks with dread.

“It’s a winky-face,” Hyeomi confirms solemnly.

You have to laugh. “At least Soonil will get what he’s trying to say.”

“Still, the winky-face here means he’s probably still using it elsewhere,” Daesuk says. “We gotta save his reputation from his own emoji use.”

“All right, good luck with that, Daesuk-ah.” Ahwon pats him on the shoulder, then stands to return to the break room.

“Eh? Why me??”

“You’re the one with 12,000 followers on Twitter,” Hyeomi says. She stands as well, then looks back to you. “Unnie, you coming?”

You smile up at them. “Be there in a moment, I’m going to call my sister.”

“Okay.”

Once the stairwell door closes behind them, you seat yourself more comfortably on the step and dial your younger sister.

“Hello? Unnie?”

“Hi, Mae-mae.” Hearing her voice makes you smile automatically.

“Unnie!” You can hear the smile in her voice too. “Aren’t you at work right now?”

“Yeah, but something sappy happened that made me think of you. You’re not in class now, are you?”

“No, I’m at home. Tell me, what happened?”

“One of our crew members had a baby! Can you believe it?”

There’s a little silence in response to your exclamation. Then she says, “I guess you _are_ getting to that middle-aged stage, huh, unnie?”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask, pretending to be offended.

“You told me you created a custom filter on Kakao to block any baby announcements.”

“Oh.” Right. “Well, turns out it’s different when it’s someone you’re close to.”

“Time to remove that filter?”

“Maybe not yet.”

Your sister laughs. “Okay, unnie. Let me know when it happens, though.”

“If you’re just going to make fun of me, then I’m going to hang up,” you joke.

“No! Wait, unnie.”

You pause. She sounds a little anxious.

“Don’t, I actually… was thinking about calling you today.”

“Oh. You know you can call me whenever, right?”

A small exhale of breath. “I wasn’t… sure if I wanted to.”

You wait for her to continue, heart squeezing a bit.

“Today I was—I was kind of not feeling that great,” she says haltingly. “I don’t know why.”

“Mm.” Your heart squeezes tighter, and you work to keep your tone calm. “Was it school-related?”

“Maybe… there’s midterms next week, but I’m behind on my assignments in that one class, and I can’t decide what to study or work on. I was feeling so unprepared for everything.” She exhales again. “Then I remember that those assignments are only worth 2% of my final grade, and then everything feels so meaningless, you know?”

The old familiar sinking feeling soaks into your bones. Oh, you know. You _know_. University was a hell for you, and when your sister had started four years ago, you prayed it wouldn’t be the same.

And it wasn’t exactly the same, but it was close enough that it hurt you to watch her go through it. 

“I know, Mae-mae.” You soften your voice to keep it steady. “I also know that, no matter what, you’re going to pass. You’re going to graduate after this year, and then nobody will ever judge you by how much information you can regurgitate in three hours, ever again.”

There’s a small laugh. “Yeah. I was telling myself to think like that. To think like you. But it really helps to hear it from you, unnie.”

“I’m glad,” you say, and blink hard. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Better, actually. Getting this call from you was unexpected, so it somehow made it better.” The smile is back in her voice.

“Good. Maybe I’ll start randomly calling you and getting you in trouble in your lectures,” you tease, still blinking hard.

“Too bad, my phone’s always on silent in class anyway.”

“Ah, fine. Then I’ll let you get back to your work, okay?”

“Ugh, yes. Work.”

“Let me rephrase. I’ll let you get back to doing whatever you want to do, okay? That’s an order.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She laughs. “Thanks, unnie. And say congrats to your friend for me!”

“I will. Bye, Mae-Mae.”

You hang up.

Then you lean forward, brace your elbows on your knees and put your head down. Squeeze your eyes tight. Will the tears back.

Oh, how you had hoped and wished and hoped and wished that your sister wouldn’t ever experience the kind of depressive depths you went through during school. Your little sister, your best friend in the world despite the age difference. You grew up together feeling the same kinds of pressure from parents and relatives, the expectations that you’ve left behind and that she’s now struggling under. You don’t want her to struggle under them. You _don’t_.

The tears are dripping, slipping out from your eyelids. You hold back a rising sob, but the cut-off breath still echoes around the stairwell.

 _Don’t cry_. She’s doing well, she’s got you, you’ll help her through. She will get through.

And you believe that deep in your heart, and still you cry. She’ll get through it, but for now you’ll cry.

As you’re trying to muffle another sob, you hear a sound.

You suck in your breath instinctively, alert.

Then another sound.

It’s footsteps, climbing up the stairwell.

You let out your breath slowly, hastily scrub at your eyes and try to regain control over your face before whoever it is finds you here. You prepare to stand and make your exit out the stairwell door.

“Y/N-noona?”

Ken’s face, looking up at you from the landing below. His voice, saying your name in such a wondering, delicate tone.

Abruptly you sit back down and put your face back in your hands. _You can’t_. There isn’t enough in your emotional reserves to deal with him right now, to deal with him finding you like this and your feelings about him or about getting over him.

“Noona…?”

His steps are coming closer. Despite yourself, you press your face more firmly into your hands as if it’ll help conceal you. But it doesn’t stop the choking sound scraping out your throat.

“Noona.”

The worry in his tone is coming closer.

The warmth of his body is the split-second warning you get before he kneels between your legs and wraps his arms around you.

You’re pressed facefirst into his shoulder, his chest as he wraps you up and hugs you to him. The sensation nearly sends your mind into shock; your hands flatten against his torso.

He’s pulling you tighter into him, saying something, murmuring something into your ear—you still your movements so you can hear—

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. It’s okay.”

The tears leak out again.

It’s only after a while, when you shift your cheek against him and feel the damp spot on his shirt, that you come back to your senses. You suck in a breath and use your hands to push away, gaze aimed downward.

“Sorry… I—”

“What’s wrong?” He lets you out of the hug as you push, but his hands plant against the stair on either side of you, keeping you from running away. “Noona…?”

You wipe hurriedly at your face and keep your head turned away. You don’t want to look at him, or him to look at you. “I’m all right. Sorry. It’s fine—”

“Don’t apologize.” He ducks a little lower, trying to peer up into your face. “Why are you crying? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I’m okay. I’m just…” You make the mistake of glancing at him, and his huge eyes express so much concern that you have to look away, close your eyes and hold back more tears.

“Ah, noona, don’t cry,” he says, voice breaking a little. He surges forward to pull you into another hug, tucking your head into his chest. “Don’t, it’s all right.”

You can only shake your head, feeling weak and miserable.

“Don’t… ah, you make me want to protect you.” There’s a twist of anguish in his voice, the slightest twist, but it makes you gather your strength and slowly pull out of his hold again.

“I’m sorry.” You mop at your eyes, slowly taking in how close he is, caged around you.

“Don’t apologize,” he insists.

Then… “Thank you. For the … comfort.” You scrub one last time, then decide to just give it up. “I’ll—I’ll just go to the washroom now.”

“Wait!” He sits back and fumbles through his pockets; you take note of his kneeling position on the stairs and vaguely think that he must be very uncomfortable. “Here, take this.”

He hands you a handkerchief. An actual handkerchief.

“A handkerchief?”

Who carries around a handkerchief these days?

“Ah, yeah. You don’t have to return it,” Ken adds quickly. “I have a lot.”

He has a lot? Of handkerchiefs. Huh. You stare at the old-fashioned item for a while, then actually manage a tiny, wobbly smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

You fold it carefully into your palm, straighten and pick up your phone. “Then, I’ll leave first.”

“Okay.” Ken rises as well, watching you turn and ascend the stairs.

As you reach the door, he calls out again.

“…Noona.”

When you turn, you find him climbing the stairs right after you. He walks toward you, a little more cautious now.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

You pull up your tiny smile again. “Yes. Thank you.”

He searches your face. “Okay.” After a short hesitation, he steps forward to hug you one more time.

It’s almost delicate, the way he steps into you, the way his arms drape lightly around your back. And again there’s that feeling of fit—the feeling that makes you turn into him, makes you lift your hands and grip his waist, makes you imagine he’s pulling you into place against him.

When he eases back, his expression is soft. You’re sure yours is too.

“Thank you,” you repeat.

Finally a smile touches his lips, tiny to match your own. “You’ll be okay, noona?”

You nod.

“Okay.”

“Thank you,” you say for the third time, meaning it. And you leave him, body warm and heart full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually go for hurt/comfort but for some reason when I thought of this scenario I broke my own damn heart and I hadn't even written it yet, eek.


	4. share

The next morning, you get to the practice room to find Hyuk and Changyeon in front of the mirrored wall together, repeating a few moves while Hyuk watches Changyeon closely. From a short distance away, you watch curiously.

Changyeon’s going through a part of the song’s back-up choreo, a set of moves that the Vixx members don’t perform so that they can save their breath for singing. But Hyuk looks like he’s trying to learn, interestingly enough.

“Yes, you’re almost there.” Changyeon nods as he straightens.

“It’s so much harder than it looks.” Despite his words, Hyuk’s barely even out of breath; you can only wistfully long for that kind of stamina.

“It’s actually easier in formation; you’ll be able to mark your position against your partner.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah.” Changyeon looks up, sees you and waves. “Y/N-ah, come be Hyuk’s partner for a sec.”

Uh, okay. You walk over, nodding a hello to Hyuk. He does the same.

“From where in the song?” you ask Changyeon.

“Verse two, starting at Wonshik’s rap.” He directs you to a spot, faces you forward and then says to Hyuk, “I’ll count Y/N in, you join when you can.”

“Okay, hyung.”

“Five, six, seven—”

Just before _eight_ , you shift your weight and swing into the first move, and then the next. You take it easy since you haven’t warmed up yet, and in the mirror you see Hyuk slide into the choreo at the start of the next measure.

He is, evidently, _not_ taking it easy. When you arrive at the single flying spin, he kicks up into the air a solid foot higher than you do.

You land facing each other, your back to the mirror. You’re not sure where he’s learned up to, but he continues the next step as Changyeon keeps counting, so you move backward in tandem with him. The two of you pivot, then move into the next bit of choreo, which involves a formation change.

You slide diagonally one way, circling your arm out for him to skim as he slides past you the other way. But—

“Oof!”

Hyuk mixes up his directions and collides into you, shoulder against shoulder.

You stumble backward, flailing for balance. Changyeon darts over in time to catch you by the shoulder, saving you from a bruised butt.

“Ack—” You brace yourself against him. “Thanks, sunbae.”

He helps you find your balance, frowning. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you reassure him before he can get too worked up. Changyeon’s hyper-vigilant about injuries and health; he makes it very clear to the whole crew that you’re all expected to take care of yourselves, physically and mentally. It’s a welcome change from the rest of the industry, but it does mean that he has very low tolerance for other dancers’ or idols’ mistakes that might hurt the crew.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, noona.” Hyuk’s bowing to you, hands clasped together in front of him. “Are you hurt?”

“It’s okay, Hyuk-ssi, I’m not hurt.”

“You didn’t pull anything?” Changyeon asks.

You stretch and flex your muscles to check for soreness. “No. I’m fine. Don’t hold a grudge, okay?”

“I don’t hold grudges.”

“You were mad at Leo for a week because he accidentally tripped Ahwon that one time during his solo comeback.”

He doesn’t get the chance to refute this because Hyuk’s scurrying closer to continue apologizing. “I’m sorry, noona, I moved the wrong way and I wasn’t watching for you properly. It was my fault.”

“No worries. You were doing well before that,” you tell him.

“Was I?” He grins a little. “Your parts are so much harder.”

“Because we’re not singing,” you point out.

“Well, I’m only singing for a couple of seconds per song, anyway.”

You nod, pretending to take his modesty seriously. “You’re right. I heard GFriend practices singing while running on treadmills. You’re nowhere near their level.”

The joking insult swooshes right over Hyuk’s head as he looks at you with wide eyes. “Singing on the treadmill?? Whoa.”

“Don’t get any ideas,” Changyeon says quickly. “It’s dangerous. Y/N-ah, don’t you try it either.”

“But sunbae, what about my long-awaited idol career?”

“Not worth it.”

You sigh. “I’m going to tell Jaeeun-saem that you crushed my dreams.”

“I’m just making sure you don’t crush any of your bones.”

A flurry of voices announces the rest of the team’s arrival, along with Jaeeun, a few managers and Ken. When Jaeeun calls out to you, Hyuk and Changyeon, you look up carefully to avoid seeing Ken. You’re determined not to think about him, lest your embarrassing crying episode overwhelm you with mortification.

Jaeeun’s trotting toward the three of you. “Did you warm up? I saw those flying spins, Sanghyuk-ah, Y/N-ah, you better have warmed up properly.”

You exchange guilty glances with Hyuk, then say together:

“Sorry, saem.”

“Sorry, saem.”

She sighs and gives Changyeon a look. “Not setting a good example here, eh, Changyeon?”

“I made sure they didn’t crush any of their bones.”

“But he did make sure he crushed my idol dreams,” you announce.

That makes Jaeeun laugh, breaking her out of her scolding mode. “You need a new sunbae, Y/N-ah.”

“Don’t steal my dancers,” Changyeon says.

“Who, me?” Jaeeun feigns innocence. “Now, go bring everyone in, we’re going to warm up properly.”

It’s a short warm-up today, not a full exercise routine; Jaeeun moves quickly into the choreography itself.

“I’ve got a shortlist for the replacement dancer,” she tells your crew, “but until we choose one, I want you all to get your parts down pat in the new formation. When the new dancer arrives, we’re going to focus on integrating him, so everything else has to be rock-solid.”

You’re all in agreement. But as Jaeeun waves the Vixx members away, trepidation creeps up in your heart. Changyeon moves in front of Ahwon, leaving your partner’s space empty, and you really don’t know what to do or how to feel if Ken’s enlisted again to fill it.

“We don’t need a stand-in for Y/N,” Changyeon speaks up. (You have a hallelujah moment; you’re saved!) “I’ve got Soonil’s part down, I won’t drift.”

But Jaeeun shakes her head. “Let’s practice with six for now. It’ll be easier to adjust once the new dancer’s here.”

With dread, you watch her turn and look toward the Vixx members at the side of the room. “We need a stand-in for Y/N’s partner again—”

And Ken turns, as if he’s been specifically called, and looks over, and smiles.

Here he comes.

You brace yourself. Okay, whatever, you cried in his arms. That’s fine. You’re friends, right? He hugged you to comfort you, that’s all. It’s not like he’s going to treat you any different now.

Hopefully.

Then:

“I’ll do it,” Hyuk chirps.

He walks forward as well, coming over to cut Ken off. He’s smiling at you with enthusiasm, and you smile back in relief. Hyuk is fine, safe.

“Why?” Ken’s stopped to stare at Hyuk with a sharp smile. “I can do it, Hyuk-ah.”

Hyuk stops as well. “Oh, I was practicing the back-up choreo with Y/N-noona before you got here, hyung. So I actually know some of it.”

When he turns to keep walking, Ken catches his arm. “But it’s just a stand-in position. You don’t have to know the actual choreography.”

“Yeah, but…” Hyuk blinks at him.

“I mean, I already offered to be Y/N’s stand-in yesterday, right?” Ken continues. His eyes are pinned to Hyuk, his lips still in that smile.

Everyone’s watching them.

“Uhhh,” Hyuk says. “Then, how about we rotate? You stood in yesterday, I’ll do it today, you can do it tomorrow—”

“No, that’s not the point,” Ken cuts him off, still smiling.

Before Hyuk can ask him what the point is, Jaeeun speaks up, thank God.

“It doesn’t matter who stands in,” she says with an impatient wave of the hand. “One of you just get over here and stand next to Y/N.”

Hyuk glances nervously at Ken, who shuts his mouth, shrugs and turns to walk back to the rest of Vixx. He’s greeted by stares from Leo, Ravi and Hongbin, all of which he ignores in favour of sitting down and burying his face in his phone.

“Let’s get started.” Jaeeun pulls your attention back toward her as Hyuk moves opposite you. “Hyuk, no actual dancing, just marking, all right?”

“Yep.” He nods, then looks to you with a quirked grin. “I won’t run into you this time, noona.”

Changyeon speaks up: “It would be very questionable if you were to run into Y/N while walking, Hyuk-ssi.”

Ahwon, Daesuk and Hyeomi all turn at his words.

“Oh, of course,” Hyuk says, dropping the grin like a hot potato. “I’m just joking, hyung.”

Changyeon nods, looking very foreboding.

Hastily you speak up: “Sunbae, I told you not to hold a grudge.”

“I’m not holding a grudge.”

Behind him, your crew is starting to grin. They all know how Changyeon gets when anyone messes with you guys, no matter how slightly or accidentally.

“What did Hyuk do?” Daesuk asks with great curiosity.

“Changyeon was teaching him part of our back-up choreo when he bumped into me,” you explain.

“What kind of bump?” Hyeomi asks.

“Leo-tripping-Ahwon level of bump.”

“Ah.” Ahwon’s amused. “Then yeah, don’t hold a grudge, Changyeon-oppa.”

“Eh?” Leo looks up from the sidelines. “Me?”

Changyeon tosses him a side-glance full of shade. “He doesn’t even remember,” he says, mostly to himself.

You’re suppressing your laughter at this point.

Jaeeun clicks her tongue. “Shall we start, or does Changyeon have any more grievances to air out against Vixx?”

All the Vixx members are paying attention now, expressions ranging from confused to taken aback.

Daesuk sighs dramatically. “Too many to count, eh, hyung?”

“Guess we need to start looking for another idol group to work with,” Hyeomi jokes. “One that won’t mistreat their back-up dancers.”

“How about one of the younger ones,” Ahwon proposes. “So they’ll listen to Changyeon-oppa no matter what.”

“Like Monsta X!” you suggest. “They have super-athletic choreo, it always looks so fun.”

“Do they count as young?” says Hyeomi. “I was thinking maybe Astro, you know, their discography is more diverse. I want to do floor work.”

“I want to work with a girl crush group,” Ahwon declares. “They always love their dancer unnies.”

“Those aren’t popular right now,” Daesuk tells her. “We might as well go find a hip hop group to work with.”

“I _know_ , but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any. I’m sure Jaeeun-saem knows some, right, saem?”

“Okay, okay,” Changyeon finally cracks, waving his hands. “We’re not going anywhere, kids, all right? Let’s just do our jobs here.”

You all grin at him.

“Sure, oppa.”

“Sounds good to me, hyung.”

“Saem, I think we can start now.” You send Jaeeun a smile.

Despite her impatience, Jaeun looks amused. “So you’re sticking with Vixx, Changyeon-ah?”

Changyeon huffs. “Let’s just start.”

“We love you too, hyung!” Hyuk says brightly.

Without even looking around to acknowledge him, Changyeon says, “Y/N-ah, punch him if he does _anything_ wrong.”

You stifle your laugh. “Yes, sir.”

*

The rest of practice goes well, fortunately, and Changyeon calls a team meeting afterward for your crew. You’re walking to the water fountain, hoping the meeting is to share more Munsik photos, when Hyuk leaves the corner of Vixx members to intercept you.

“Y/N-noona!”

Quickly you stop wiping your sweaty neck with your towel. “Ah, hello.”

He comes to a stop in front of you with a smile ready. “Good work today.”

“Thanks. You too.”

“Can I ask—what did you mean by Monsta X having athletic choreography?”

“Huh?” You recall the conversation. “Oh. Er…”

“Do you mean that our choreographies aren’t athletic?” he asks shrewdly.

“Not exactly,” you hedge, unsure whether he’ll take it as an insult or not.

“It’s okay if that’s what you meant,” Hyuk reassures you. “I’m just interested.”

And he does look genuinely interested, so you tell him. “Well—I would say that Vixx choreographies don’t require too much stamina. Which makes sense,” you add, “because you’re a vocal-focused group.”

Hyuk nods. “So our dances are easier?”

“Not necessarily easier, but less strenuous. No jumps, less travel, more contained and isolated movements.”

“Right, like you have that flying spin but we don’t.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you think I can keep learning the choreo with you?”

You consider this. “Yeah, I think Changyeon and Jaeeun-saem will be fine with it.”

“Oh, I mean—can I keep practicing with you, noona? As a partner?”

“Ah, sure. I don’t mind.”

He smiles happily. “Awesome, thank you. Are you free after this, then?”

“Now what kind of question is that, hm, Hyogi?”

You jump. Ken’s appeared out of nowhere; he joins the conversation with a sharp grin and an arm tossed around Hyuk’s shoulders.

“What do you mean?” Hyuk blinks at him.

“‘ _Are you free after this, noona?_ ’” Ken mimics. “What, are you two dating or something?”

“What? No.” Hyuk gives a chuckle that sounds just as baffled as you currently are. “I was asking her if we could practice the dance together.”

“ _Oh_ , so you’re practicing together with her now, eh?” Ken turns his smile toward you, and you suppress the urge to back up. “You better watch out, Y/N-noona. Don’t let him get to close to you, okay?”

“Er,” you say. “Why…?”

“Hyung!” Hyuk says indignantly. “What are you talking about?”

Ken ignores him and continues to smile guilelessly at you. “It’ll be troublesome if our maknae develops a crush on you, won’t it?”

…???

“What?!” Hyuk’s yelp echoes your thoughts perfectly. “What—Ken-hyung, why are you—noona, I don’t—”

“Of course not, of course not,” you say hastily. “I didn’t think that at all.”

“I don’t know, noona.” Ken looks back at Hyuk and gives him a not-quite-playful shake by the shoulders. “He’s already asking to be your partner, isn’t he?”

“I only want to learn the dance!”

“It’s okay, Jaehwan-ssi,” you say, a little nervous about the way they’re tussling. “I don’t think there’s anything to worry about—”

“If there wasn’t anything to worry about, he wouldn’t have taken my spot—”

“Jeez, hyung, why are you being like this??” Hyuk finally throws off Ken through sheer strength, and you leap out of the way. Your towel slips off your shoulders, is promptly stepped on by Hyuk and then is sadly kicked aside as he squares off against Ken. “It’s not _your_ spot!”

“It’s neither of your spots, actually,” comes Jaeeun’s calm voice as she walks past you into the fray. “Auditions are being held for Soonil’s replacement tomorrow.” With one hand she grabs Ken; with the other, she grabs onto Hyuk. “So let’s stop fighting over Y/N-ah like elementary schoolboys, hm?”

Ken’s grin is gone. “We’re not fighting.”

“Saem, I just wanted to learn the back-up choreography,” Hyuk insists.

Fight? What? Schoolboys? All you can do is just kinda gape at how this situation devolved.

“Who’s fighting over Y/N-ah?” A hand lands on your shoulder, and Changyeon steps to your side to squint at the two Vixx members.

“We weren’t fighting, hyung,” Hyuk denies quickly.

“You sure weren’t sharing,” Jaeun says.

“Why would we share?” Ken retorts.

“Sharing?” Hyeomi rounds your other side to observe the tableau before you with interest. “What’s going on, unnie?”

“Nothing,” you reply on instinct.

“It’s not nothing.” Changyeon’s frown is out. “Jaehwan-ah. Sanghyuk-ah.”

“Hyung, I swear, I was only asking Y/N-noona if I could keep learning the choreography,” Hyuk says immediately, remaining compliantly limp in Jaeeun’s grasp.

“Were you?” Changyeon raises his eyebrows, then looks to Ken next.

Who’s looking at Jaeeun. “Auditions are tomorrow?”

She gives him a shake. “Is that really what you want to say right now?”

But now Changyeon moves forward, distracted. “Jaeeun. The auditions are happening tomorrow?”

Jaeeun turns to face him. “Yes, and we agreed you’re not attending.”

“Wait, Changyeon-hyung’s not going to be holding the auditions?” Daesuk pops up on your other side.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t keep me informed of timelines,” Changyeon says to Jaeeun, frown deepening.

She lets go of Hyuk and Ken to square up to Changyeon. “I’m not deliberately keeping it from you, Changyeon, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“Hey. What’s happening?” Ahwon peers over your shoulder.

“Ken and Hyuk are apparently not sharing Y/N-unnie, and Changyeon-oppa and Jaeeun-saem are fighting,” Hyeomi catches her up.

“About auditions tomorrow for Soonil’s replacement,” Daesuk adds. “Which Changyeon-hyung isn’t attending.”

Ahwon takes this in. “Huh. Okay.”

Past Changyeon’s and Jaeeun’s little stand-off, you see the other three Vixx members join Hyuk and Ken, probably having their own catch-up session. Leo looks your way as he listens to Hyuk say something, and you quickly break eye contact and turn to your crew.

“Let’s let Changyeon and Jaeeun-saem duel it out and head to the break room first,” you suggest, to general agreement.

You lead the others toward the door, giving the two teachers—and the Vixx members—a wide berth. Unfortunately, just as you’re out the door, your name is called in a familiar voice.

“Y/N-noona!” Ken comes trotting out the door, then halts at the sight of the four of you. “Er.” He aims a benign smile at the three others. “Can I talk to you for a second, noona?”

“Sure,” you manage, and take a small step forward. But Ken shoots another speaking look toward the others, and uneasily you watch them pick up the hint.

“We’ll go ahead to the break room then, Y/N-ah,” Daesuk says with a wave.

“See you in five minutes for the team meeting,” Hyeomi tacks on.

You nod, and they depart. Gathering up your nerves, you turn and face Ken.

He opens his mouth, then takes a moment before speaking. “Noona, I’m… sorry for being aggressive back there.” He tilts his head toward the practice room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you and Hyuk-ah like that. Or to suggest there was anything—” He waves a hand in the air. “—going on.”

“Oh. That’s all right.” You’re not sure what to say.

“I didn’t offend you, did I?” He lowers his head a bit to look directly into your eyes.

“No, no.” You back up a little. “It’s fine.”

Ken gazes at you for a few more seconds, then relaxes into a smile. “Good. Then…” He rocks on his heels once. “Is it cool if I attend auditions tomorrow with your crew?”

What?? “The auditions for Soonil’s spot?” you check, because you can’t see why he’d be interested in your team’s efforts to find a replacement.

“Yep.” He nods.

“Well, you can probably check with Jaeeun-saem—”

“She told me to ask you, actually.” His smile turns sheepish. “I think she wanted me to apologize.”

“Oh.” You can’t think of a good reason to not let him attend (…beyond providing you the emotional distance needed to get over him). “Er. Yes, sure.”

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yes.” You nod politely and turn to leave.

“Oh, by the way!” Ken says loudly, and you snap back around to find him patting through his pockets. “Hang on, I’m sure I have…” He fishes out a piece of cloth—a handkerchief—and holds it out to you. “Here.”

“Um. Thank you?” You accept the silky purple cloth. “Er, what…?”

“Your towel fell, right? And Hyuk stepped on it,” he says. “So you can use this for now. Just in case there’s a line for the showers, or the towel stock is low or something.”

There’s a boyish kind of enthusiasm to his observation and subsequent offering that you, frankly, cannot resist. “I see. Thank you, Jaehwan-ssi.”

“Of course, no problem!” His smile is radiant. “And noona, you can address me informally. You know that, right?”

How can you not smile in response? How can you not comply? “Thank you for the handkerchief, Jaehwan-ah,” you say, and try to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling that bubbles up.

“You don’t have to return that one either,” he adds, eyes twinkling.

The reference to your crying episode is less mortifying than you thought it’d be. You feel comfortable enough to joke: “Maybe I’ll start my own collection.”

“For sure! Hey, I’ll contribute some more,” Ken says eagerly.

“Oh no, that’s all right,” you hasten to say, “you already contributed two.” He looks like he’s going to insist, so you try to wrap up. “Then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Jaehwan-ah.”

“Yes.” He nods firmly. “Bye, Y/N-noona!”

As you head to the staff room, you think about how you like this sensation of exiting a conversation with Ken feeling less embarrassed than you entered it. Are banmal and handkerchiefs the keys to more comfortable interactions with Ken?

You’ll have to see.

*

Rationally, Jaehwan understands that Hyuk doesn’t know how much time he’s spent thinking about Y/N-noona. Thinking about her words from the night at the restaurant, her hug, her tears, fitting all these pieces into the puzzle that she is, and dazzling himself in the process of reconciling her as a person.

So yeah, maybe Jaehwan’s more invested in Y/N than the other members are aware of. That excuses Hyuk’s initial offer to stand in as her partner, sure. But when Jaehwan told him to back off, that’s where Hyuk should have _backed off_.

Instead, the damn maknae starts spouting off about how he knows the choreo, like that makes him a better partner. And then he has the gall afterward to ask if he can practice more with her. Seriously? They all know the dance crew members are busy enough these days; if Hyuk wants her spare time, he can get in line behind Jaehwan. There is _not_ enough to share.

And then the auditions. In theory it shouldn’t be a surprise; their comeback is in just a few weeks, and they need a full complement of back-up dancers. But having a new dancer in place means one less opportunity to interact with her, and a lot less time, too, since she’ll have to train the new dancer—especially since the guy’s going to be _her_ partner.

And if that thought makes Jaehwan feel a little itchy, well, it’s because he knows how much dance means to her. He’s sure that he’d learn a lot more about her if he were her dance partner, he’d learn enough to scratch his itch and stop getting dazzled by her unknowns.

One thing’s for sure: Jaehwan’s not missing the auditions tomorrow.


	5. move

The next day finds you, Hyeomi, Ahwon and Daesuk in the studio room where the auditions are being held, huddling around the table to compare notes.

“So do we know why Changyeon-hyung’s not hosting the auditions?” Daesuk asks.

“I asked Jaeeun-unnie,” Hyeomi says. “She said it’s to remove subjectivity from the process, so they can make a decision faster because of the compressed timeline.”

“By ‘make a decision faster’,” you speculate, “she basically just means he’s too picky, right?”

“That makes sense,” Ahwon agrees. “Do we know why Ken and Hyuk were fighting over Y/N-unnie?”

You snap your head around. “Eh?”

Daesuk cocks his head. “Were they fighting?”

“Oh, yeah. They both wanted to be her dance partner, or something like that,” Hyeomi shares readily.

“Really?” Daesuk looks round at you with raised eyebrows. “What kind of situation is this, Y/N-ah?”

“Look, I don’t really know,” you say, scrunching up your nose. “Hyuk just asked if he could keep learning the back-up choreography with me and Changyeon and Jaeeun, and that got Ken’s attention for some reason.”

“Hyuk wants to learn the back-up choreography?” Ahwon’s eyebrows rise too. “Why?”

“Does he actually want to be your partner?” Hyeomi speculates.

“No, no.” You blow out a breath. “He’s just interested in dance, I’m pretty sure.”

“I guess,” Ahwon says, a bit more skeptically.

“At the very least, I don’t think he was trying to stir up trouble with Ken on purpose.” You shrug.

“I don’t know, unnie, this kind of sounds like the start of a fanfiction,” Hyeomi says with a grin.

You snort in some water; Daesuk pats your back as you cough. “Fanfiction? Seriously, Hyeomi-yah?”

“Look who’s talking,” Ahwon says shrewdly, narrowing her eyes at Hyeomi. “You rode in with Jaeeun-unnie again yesterday, didn’t you?”

You whip around. Looks like it’s true, based on Hyeomi’s expression. “Yah, Byeon Hyeomi.” Slowly a smile takes over your face. “What is this, exactly?”

“Nothing,” she says, in a tremendously unconvincing tone.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” you retort. “It sounds kind of like…”

“Forbidden love!” Daesuk says.

“Age difference!” Ahwon says.

“Student-teacher relationship!” you say.

Hyeomi jumps to her feet and shushes you all with flailing arms. “Yah, you guys! What if she walked in right now?”

You’re laughing at this point. “Hyeomi-yah, I’m happy for you.”

“You need to tell us all the details, you know,” Ahwon says.

“I will! After! Just—don’t say anything to Jaeeun-unnie for now, okay?” Hyeomi beseeches.

Daesuk zips his lips as you and Ahwon nod. Just in time, too: the back door to the studio opens and Jaeeun walks in.

You all quickly seat yourselves along the table, leaving the middle chair open for Jaeeun. She’s looking at some papers in her hands as she walks over, which gives you time to compose yourselves.

“Hey kids.” She looks up with a smile and starts distributing the papers among the four of you. “Here are the eleven candidates’ resumes, give them a read.”

“What are they auditioning with, unnie?” Ahwon asks.

“We gave them five boy groups to pick songs from, plus one partner dance. Speaking of—” Jaeeun turns to you. “Y/N-ah, you know the choreography to Taemin’s ‘Move’, right?”

“…Yes,” you say slowly. “Are you about to ask me to—”

“Dance with the candidates?” She flashes a smile and sits down neatly in the middle chair.

“Saaeem,” you whine. Hyeomi, Ahwon and Daesuk are snickering. “Why couldn’t you have told me earlier?”

“Then you don’t want to?” Jaeeun asks innocently.

“No, but now I’m worried I’ll forget something.” You let out a groan and slump on the tabletop. Being put on the spot is not your favourite thing in the world.

“Unnie, we did like five million repeats of ‘Move’ when it first came out,” Ahwon reminds you.

“Yeah,” Daesuk agrees, “it’s got to be burned into our muscle proteins by now.”

“It’s chemistry that I’m looking for,” Jaeeun tells you. “So just take it easy, okay?”

“Don’t worry, unnie, if you make a mistake and the other dancer gets mad, he’s out of contention right away,” Hyeomi assures you.

“Thanks, Hyeomi-yah,” you sigh.

Jaeeun’s phone rings. “Hello? Oh, okay, send the first one in.” She hangs up and looks around at you. “All right, we’re starting.”

You sit up and watch the room’s front door open to admit the first candidate.

He introduces himself, then chooses GOT7’s “Calling My Name” as his solo. A good choice, in your opinion; the dance focuses more on elegance and precision compared to the aggressive and powerful boy group choreographies popular these days. And Vixx has never been aggressive, exactly.

Unfortunately, it’s the most soulless dance you’ve seen in a while. Jaeeun doesn’t ask him to do the partner dance; she just thanks him after two minutes and points him out the door.

As soon as he’s gone, she shuffles his resume to the back of her pile. “That was an easy no,” she says drily.

“Was he even looking at us?” Daesuk wonders aloud.

“More like staring right through us.” Ahwon shakes her head.

Jaeeun nods. “No sense of emotion. Accurate technically, but no storytelling.”

“See, unnie, you’re only going to dance with the actual good ones,” Hyeomi says to you brightly.

“Hmph.”

The next one dances to Infinite’s “The Eye”, a choreography you know Jaeeun likes, and isn’t soulless about it. You’re not really surprised when she looks down the table to you after two minutes and nods her head.

Looking back to the dancer, she says, “Next we’ll ask you to perform Taemin’s ‘Move’ as a duet, with Y/N-ssi.”

You walk over to stand next to him, give him a polite “Hello” and face the table.

“We’ll start at the first chorus,” Jaeeun says, and promptly plays the music.

As the last few beats of the prechorus lead into the refrain, you let yourself sink into the calmly slithering vibe of the song. The lack of mirror in front of you is a different sensation; it’s been a long while since you haven’t critically observed your every move while dancing. There’s some kind of satisfaction in knowing your partner’s being watched, not you.

You’re just moving into the second pre-chorus when the back door opens with an emphatic thud.

Your partner jumps, which in turn nearly breaks your concentration. But years of practice keep you going into the next step as you suppress the urge to check who’s just entered the room. As a back-up dancer, your job is to dance, no matter what happens during a performance.

Haltingly, the guy manages to swing back into the choreo just as the second chorus hits. You have to adjust your spacing to make sure his hand doesn’t smack you as the two of you travel. Right after that, the music stops.

Both of you straighten to look toward Jaeeun. “Thank you,” she says to the guy, a clear dismissal.

As he makes his exit, you whisk back your flyaway hairs, glance around at the newcomers, and nearly have a heart attack.

Hyuk and Ken are now standing behind your seat.

“What’d you think?” Jaeeun draws your attention back to her.

“Well,” you say slowly, “he wasn’t bad.”

“That means on to the next!” Hyeomi says.

“I agree,” Ken inserts confidently. “That guy fell way out of sync with Y/N-noona at one point.” He leans forward, places his hands on the back of your vacant chair and directs a smile at you. “We can do better than that, right, noona?”

“They were out of sync because you decided to run into the room during the middle of the song, hyung,” Hyuk snorts. Ken ignores him and just keeps smiling at you.

 _Banmal and handkerchiefs_. You can do this, you tell yourself as you cautiously approach the table again.

“Come sit.” Ken pulls your chair back a little and then waits.

…Is he planning on pushing you in?? Gingerly, you turn your back to him and perch yourself on the edge of the seat. Then you’re muffling a surprised noise as he slides the chair forward with surprising strength, tucking you right into the table.

Beside you, Daesuk looks like he might be giggling to himself. Fortunately, Jaeeun’s paying more attention to the resumes than Ken’s antics or your nervous reactions. “Okay, next,” she calls out.

The front door opens for the third candidate. You’re surprised when he chooses Vixx’s “Fantasy”; you’re not sure you’d have the gumption to perform an idol’s own song right in front of them. But it turns out that he’s not bad at all.

At the two-minute mark Jaeeun calls a stop and nods at you. “Y/N-ssi.”

You move to stand. But suddenly Ken speaks, from right behind you—with shock, you realize that he’s had his hands on the back of your chair this whole time.

“Jaeeun-saem,” he says lightly, “was Vixx’s ‘Fantasy’ one of the audition choices?”

Jaeeun raises an eyebrow. “Yes, Vixx was one of the options.”

The candidate looks toward Ken, and you can see the moment when he realizes that he’s talking to an actual Vixx member. “Er—I wanted to show my respect and admiration for Vixx-sunbaenim,” he blurts, and sinks into a deep bow. “To express how much I would like to work with you.”

“Hm.” That’s not exactly an approving noise from Ken.

You look to Jaeeun. She’s frowning at Ken, but nods to you again. “Y/N-ah, if you would.”

When you push back at the table, though, your chair doesn’t move.

Automatically, you push harder. The table actually inches forward.

Confused, you twist in place to find Ken’s forearms tensed and locked, his grip keeping your chair in place as he stares at the dancer.

“Er.” You look up, up, into his face. “Excuse me.”

“Hyung,” Hyuk speaks up.

Ken blinks and looks down. “Ah.” But instead of letting go, he glances first down the table.

You follow his gaze to see Jaeeun’s frown dialed up a notch. “Ken-ssi.”

“…Yes.” He unlocks his death grip around the back of the chair and steps away enough to let you stand.

The candidate seems very nervous by the time you get to him, and you can’t blame him; Jaeeun’s face is completely blank, your teammates seem to be whispering among themselves, Hyuk’s leaning against the wall looking bored and Ken’s expression is… well, _foreboding_ , almost. You do your best to give the guy a reassuring nod before facing the table.

“You’ll be dancing the choreography to ‘Move’ by Taemin as a duet with Y/N-ssi here,” Jaeeun says. She barely waits for the dancer’s responding nod before snapping her fingers to cue the music.

To his credit, the guy doesn’t dance like he’s nervous; he slides right into the choreography with you as the first chorus starts to play. He also doesn’t shy away from looking at you when the choreo allows for or calls for it, which means the spacing between the two of you is solid and you’re in no danger of being whacked by an errant limb.

Jaeeun lets you finish the second chorus before stopping the music. “Thank you,” she says to the dancer, more politely than before, and nods him out.

As soon as the door closes behind the candidate, Hyeomi says, “He wasn’t bad!”

“He wasn’t really looking at us, though,” Daesuk says.

“But he looked good with Y/N-unnie,” Ahwon says, “he picked up her vibe and made it feel more like a duet.”

“Her vibe?” Ken echoes. He’s now leaning against the wall next to Hyuk with his arms crossed.

Your whole crew looks at him.

A little defensively, he shrugs. “I mean, being able to dance in the same style as someone else is kind of basic, isn’t it?”

“Dancing in the same style is different from having chemistry,” Jaeeun says briskly as her pen moves over the guy’s resume.

“Are you saying that he had chemistry with Y/N-noona?” Ken lifts his arm to point accusingly at the door.

“Ken-hyung, calm down.” Hyuk swats Ken’s arm down. “Saem’s going to make us leave if you keep being annoying.”

“I’m not being annoying,” Ken says, but lowers his arm.

At that, Jaeeun lifts her head and levels him with a stare. “You are, Jaehwan-ah, so tone it down.”

“…Sorry, saem.” There’s a sullen pout on his face that makes you want to stare too long at his lips.

“Y/N-ah?” Luckily Jaeeun pulls your attention to her. “What did you think?”

“I thought he was going to be nervous, but he didn’t dance like he was,” you say. “How much experience is there on his resume?”

“A lot of short-term contracts,” Daesuk says as he skims it. “Oh, he’s done a few music show festivals.”

“That’s good,” Ahwon notes.

“Put him on the shortlist?” Hyeomi says.

Jaeeun nods. “Yeah, I think so.” She sets aside his resume and waves you back to your seat. “At least that’s one.”

You hurriedly seat yourself before Ken can think to try pushing you in again. Then you nearly jump a foot in the air when he decides to lean over your shoulder and ask quietly:

“You liked him?”

That’s not his breath you’re feeling on your cheek, is it? “Um, well. He was pretty good.”

“But we can raise our standards, right? We want the best.”

“I don’t think you should talk, hyung,” comes Hyuk’s dry voice.

The faint breath disappears as Ken straightens with a sniff. “How rude.”

“Stop bothering Y/N-ah or I’ll kick you out,” Jaeeun threatens. “Next!”

The fourth dancer dances SHINee’s “I Want You”, which is a song your crew has practiced as well, so you’re a bit biased in liking it. Jaeeun looks more skeptical, but allows the guy a minute to dance “Move” with you.

After he leaves, she turns to you all and asks for your opinion again. “What did you think?”

“I think if someone dances ‘Noona, You’re So Pretty’, we should hire them on the spot,” Daesuk says.

You return to your seat and give him a high-five. “Seconded.”

“Thirded!” Hyeomi and Ahwon say at the same time.

Jaeeun huffs out a laugh. “That means we’re not hiring this guy.”

“Why?” Ken asks with interest, peering around Hyuk at you all. “Why ‘Noona, You’re So Pretty’?”

“It’s our song,” Daesuk says simply.

“Oh?” Ken looks to you to elaborate.

“It’s one song we all love,” you explain to him. “Both the music and the choreography.”

“Ah.” He nods.

“Ken-hyung can’t relate,” Hyuk says playfully, “he doesn’t know any of SHINee-sunbaenim’s choreography. They’re all too hard for him.”

“Yah!” Ken rounds on him. “Why are you being so rude today?!”

“Is it rude to tell the truth?” Hyuk just grins.

“Saem,” Ken whines, “can’t you throw Hyuk out?”

Jaeeun doesn’t even bother answering. “Next!”

The fifth candidate introduces himself, hits a stance in front of the table with eyes closed in concentration… and then TVXQ’s “Mirotic” starts playing.

With strained patience, Jaeeun waits for a lull in the song to cut him off. “Excuse me. Excuse me.”

“Oh—yes?”

“You do realize that TVXQ was not one of the options for this audition?”

“Oh. There were options??”

Needless to say, he leaves very shortly after that.

“How’d he get on the shortlist?” Ahwon asks delicately.

Jaeeun grunts. “A referral.”

“From who? Changyeon-hyung?” Daesuk grins. Wisely, Jaeeun doesn’t answer.

The sixth candidate dances to Winner’s “Really Really”. The group really isn’t one of your favourites, so maybe you’re biased in not liking it this time. Daesuk, Ahwon and Hyeomi also have varying degrees of distaste evident on their faces. You’re happy when Jaeeun dismisses the guy without asking you to dance with him.

“Saem, you chose Winner as one of the options?” you ask her after the door closes.

“Yeah,” Jaeeun says. “‘Really Really’ is a weak pick, though.” She stretches and looks at the clock. “Shall we take a break? We’re ahead of schedule.”

Hyeomi jumps up. “Unnie, is it okay if I plug my phone into the player to charge?”

“Sure, Hyeomi-yah.”

But as soon as Hyeomi’s phone is connected to the sound system, the familiar strains of SHINee’s debut fill the room.

“Yeah!” Daesuk whoops and hops out of his chair. “Y/N-ah, Ahwon-ah, let’s go!”

Jaeeun lets out an exasperated laugh as the four of you bounce around the dance floor. “Why?”

“C’mon, doesn’t watching Y/N-unnie dance make you want to dance too?” Hyeomi says brightly as she does a Taemin spin.

“ _Noona, neomu yeppeoseo_ ,” Daesuk sings along at the top of his lungs.

“ _Namjadeuli gaman andwo_ ,” Hyeomi continues, pointing your way.

Ahwon joins the other two dancing around you. “ _Heundeullineun geunyeoui mam sashil algo isseo_ ~!”

Laughing, you swat at them. You know your voice would crack if you tried to sing that loudly while dancing.

Suddenly, Ken’s clear honey voice continues the song:

“ _Geunyeoege sarangeun hansunganoe neukkimil ppun_ …”

You look round to see him watching you all, lips curved as he sings:

“ _Mwola haedo naegen salmui_ everything~”

Before you can melt on the spot, you’re distracted by Hyuk jumping in and joining the choreo in the pre-chorus. It’s quite a sight to see someone his height and build perform the very athletic choreography, and the sweet grin on his face is just the cherry on top.

“All right, all right,” Jaeeun says, waving both her arms. “Hyuk-ah, if you pull a muscle during these auditions, your manager’s going to kill me.”

“No way, he won’t,” Hyuk protests even as Hyeomi turns off the music.

Jaeeun looks to you. “You want to grab water, Y/N-ah? You’ll probably be dancing some more.”

“Yeah, I will,” you agree. You grab your empty water bottle from the table and head for the back door of the studio.

When you step outside, a glance down the hallway shows a few people still waiting their turn to audition by the front door. You’re about to turn away and head for the water fountain when something—someone—catches your eye.

A hint of familiarity.

The person lifts their head at that moment, and you get a good eyeful of their face.

 _Fu_ —

Are you, maybe, actually in a fanfiction? Because that’s the boy you crushed on throughout the entirety of middle school, standing in line to audition for a spot on your dance crew.

You’re frozen to the spot, trying to figure out what to do and how big of a deal this is, when the back door opens right next to you and your _current_ crush walks out.

“Noona?” Ken tilts his head at you, eyes wide.

You look at him. You think: _I am totally, unquestionably, undoubtedly, 100% definitely in a fanfiction_.


	6. fanfiction

“Noona?”

Ken takes a step toward you.

Quickly you prop up a smile, turn your back and scurry straight to the water fountain. You’ll just fill up your water, get back into the room and… do your job. With your crew. Because in the long run, the replacement dancer’s only going to be around until Soonil’s back from parental leave. And in the long, long run, your crew is only going to be around Vixx until the contract Changyeon’s negotiated with the entertainment company expires.

So it’s fine. Everything will be fine. That’s how fanfiction works, anyway, right?

“Noona?” Ken’s voice comes from right behind you.

Your hand twitches, and water spills from your water bottle over your wrist. You hiss and pull back as the ice-cold water starts leaking down your sleeve.

“Oh, here—” In a flash, Ken has whipped out a handkerchief from his pocket and is draping it over your hand. “Are you okay? Did your clothes get wet?”

“No, no, I’m fine. It’s just my wrist.”

But Ken takes the water bottle out of your hands and bends down to place it on the ground, and for a second you’re dizzy at the sight of this man kneeling in front of you, at your feet. Then he stands back up, clasps hold of your elbow with one hand and proceeds to gently press and dab the handkerchief against your skin.

He’s so much taller than you; with his head lowered, your eyes are barely level with his chin. The height difference distracts you for a moment… but then he starts moving up your arm with the handkerchief, pushing up your sleeve and exposing more skin.

“Ah, uh, that’s good enough.” You catch at his hand to stop him.

Ken looks up, into your eyes. His hands are on your arm. Your hand is on his hand.

Then he smiles and turns his hand within yours to push the handkerchief into your palm. “Keep this just in case. You can add it to your collection.”

You finally relax as he lets you go. “Thank you,” you say, and place the cloth in your pocket. He’s given you three now; that’s probably the limit of presents you should accept from him.

You lean down to pick up your water bottle. When you stand and turn, the sight of your high school crush at the other end of the hall is like another dash of icy water.

It’s him. Lee Gyuseok. You’d forgotten about him for a few moments, in the semi-intimacy of Ken wiping water off your skin.

“We should head back,” you blurt to Ken, and start beelining for the studio’s back door. If you can just get back to your crew, get out of your head and get their perspective on this, you’re sure you can get through it.

You bust through the door and head straight toward where they’ve gathered around Hyeomi’s phone near the sound system. Hyeomi looks up with the smile that says she’s gotten more Munsik photos.

“Unnie, unnie.” She waves you over, and Ahwon and Daesuk move aside to let you into the huddle. “Look!”

You push aside your racing thoughts and focus on the screen, and without even trying you smile. “Oh man, what a potato.”

Ahwon chuckles. “Just remember not to say that to Soonil’s face.”

You jerk your head up. “What? Are we going to be seeing him soon?”

“Ahwon overheard Changyeon planning something but he won’t tell us what it is,” Daesuk informs you.

“With Soonil??” You light up. The thought of seeing your teammate, your friend, and rejoining his life now that it’s changed so much, is heartening.

“I’m not completely sure,” Ahwon says, “but I _think_ so.”

Hyeomi hops once on the spot. “Oh, I can’t wait!”

“What are you whispering about, kids?” Jaeeun calls from her seat at the table. “Come back, we’re going to get started again.”

“Yes, saem,” Daesuk calls back, and then turns to you. “By the way. Y/N-ah, is something up?”

Your shoulders go back. “What?”

“Something with Ken?” says Ahwon.

“He _is_ acting kind of weird,” Hyeomi says.

“No, no, no.” Your idol-crush is your problem, and you won’t burden your crew with it. Your former school crush, on the other hand… “It’s—I saw a few of the candidates out there, and one of them is someone I went to high school with.”

“Oh.” Daesuk frowns. “Is that a good thing? Bad thing?”

“Well, we didn’t get along.” It’s not a lie, exactly; Gyuseok definitely wasn’t your fan when you were acting ridiculous about him. “Anyway, it just freaked me out for a moment. But it’s not going to be a big deal.” You look at them beseechingly. “Right?”

“Right,” Ahwon says confidently. “You’ve got the power in this situation. However he wants to react is going to be his problem.”

“If he makes it a big deal, then we won’t hire him,” Hyeomi adds.

“If Jaeeun likes him…”

“Jaeeun’s only going to like him if he’s a good dancer _and_ he’s a good person,” Daesuk points out. “And if he’s a good person, then he won’t make a fuss. Because you’re a good person too, Y/N-ah.”

…You’re saved from having to think up an adequate response to his lovely words by Jaeeun hollering, “Come on, kids!” So you just give Daesuk a brief hug, tell Hyeomi to ask Soonil to forward the photos to the group chat and return to your seat.

Candidates number seven, eight and nine are all poor; you don’t have to leave your seat until the tenth candidate, who dances Vixx’s “Parallel” and then pairs reasonably well with you in “Move”.

As soon as the door closes behind him, Ken’s speaking up from behind you. “Saem, why did you let them choose our songs?”

“Why not?” Jaeeun replies as she makes some notes on the guy’s resume. “It’s a good sign if they’re brave enough to choose one of your songs. Even better if they dance well.”

Ken makes a grumbling noise. “What if it’s arrogance instead of bravery?”

Jaeeun doesn’t even look up. “What if you stop complaining about every candidate who dances with Y/N-ah?”

“Complaining? I’m not complaining,” Ken blusters. “I’m just saying, I don’t think it’s necessarily a good sign.”

“Message received,” Jaeeun says sardonically. “Next!”

Next is Lee Gyuseok.

You stiffen and reach out to your right. Daesuk looks over when your hand hits his thigh.

“ _This guy_?” he mouths to you.

You nod.

He slides his chair closer to yours and gives your hand a squeeze before letting go. You look down and stare at the resume in front of you: _Lee Gyuseok_.

“Hello.” He introduces himself formally, then says, “I’ll be dancing to SHINee’s ‘Noona, You’re So Pretty’.”

Your head lifts. Beside you, Daesuk coughs in surprise.

The song starts a few beats before the first prechorus, and just as Gyuseok’s leaping into the air on the downbeat, his eyes meet yours.

Muscle memory carries him through the first measure before he stumbles, badly.

Despite your mixed feelings, you wince. It used to be one of your worst nightmares, messing up in a dance audition, before you found your crew. And you remember clearly what it was like to be on the outside, looking for a team to accept you, a team to belong to.

But Gyuseok calmly stands, walks over to cut off the music and then bows toward the table. “Please excuse me. May I start again?”

You feel more than see Ahwon and Hyeomi glance toward you.

“…Yes,” Jaeeun says slowly. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you.” He restarts the music and walks back to the middle of the room. He puts a smile in place, then looks at you. Deliberate eye contact.

And then he looks back to Jaeeun at the centre of the table as the prechorus starts:

‘ _Ama geunyeoneun eorin naega / budamseureounga bwa_ …’

You force your muddled thoughts to the back of your mind and focus on watching: watching for form and precision, energy and expression, dynamism and storytelling.

His interpretation isn’t overly cutesy. The arcs of his limb movements swing a little wide, foregoing precision in favour of creating a subtle sense of power. Still, there’s a clear sense of timing in his steps that emphasizes the important beats and supports the dynamic flow of the choreography.

Throughout the dance, Gyuseok’s eyes remain trained on Jaeeun. She stares right back, letting him dance on until he’s already onto the second chorus.

You trade glances with Daesuk. The song’s almost reached the two-minute mark, which is longer than the time Jaeeun allowed for any previous candidate.

Once the repetitive bridge starts, she finally waves him to a halt. “That’s good enough.” As the music stops, she continues, “Next we’ll have you perform a partner dance to ‘Move’ by Taemin with one of our dancers, Y/N-ssi.”

When she turns her head toward you, her gaze sharpens. “Jaehwan-ssi.”

You twist in your seat to find that Ken’s got his hands planted on the back of your chair again. He’s leaning slightly forward to stare at Gyuseok, almost towering straight over you.

Jaeeun clucks her tongue and lowers her voice to a hiss. “Lee Jaehwan, can you stop being overprotective for _one_ minute so we can finish up these auditions?”

Ken blinks, then looks to her. “What? I’m not.” As if to prove it, he lifts his hands from the chair and displays his palms to her.

Ignoring him, Jaeeun nods to you. “Go ahead.”

You check behind you to make sure Ken’s backed off before standing and walking in front of the table. Cautiously, you look at Gyuseok.

“Hello,” he says to you, eyes narrowed slightly. “Y/N-ssi. Right?”

“Yes. Hello.” You dip your head but maintain eye contact. You can’t read his face at all, can’t figure out what he’s thinking right now.

Then you remind yourself it doesn’t matter what he’s thinking. He’s the one auditioning to join your crew; if he wants in, he’s going to have to play nice and perform well.

So you face forward and wait for Jaeeun to snap her fingers.

As the music starts, you roll your head on your shoulders and sink with determination into the first move of the chorus. Beside you is a dancer, nothing more and nothing less, and in front of you is your audience. Around you, inside you, within you is the music, and your body is the dance.

Jaeeun stops the music halfway through the second chorus, and you straighten as self-consciousness floods back to you. You look up to see her scribbling a few last notes while Ahwon and Hyeomi whisper to each other and Daesuk gives you a subtle thumbs-up.

Jaeeun finishes writing, looks up and says, “Do you two know each other already?”

You _just_ manage to keep your mouth from falling open.

After a short silence, Gyuseok speaks. “Yes.”

“Yes?” Jaeeun shifts her gaze to you. “From where?”

“High school,” you manage. “We went to the same high school.”

“High school,” she repeats. Then she smiles a little. “That’s a while back already, isn’t it, Y/N-ah?”

You smile from relief and amusement. “A while back, yeah.”

“Although I can’t talk.” Jaeeun chuckles, then nods to Gyuseok once again. “Thank you for coming in today. We’ll be in touch soon.”

He hesitates to leave. “May I ask if this will affect my candidacy?” His finger is pointing between you and him to indicate _this_.

Jaeeun stops smiling. “We’ll be in touch soon,” she repeats, and the force of the dismissal in her tone successfully propels Gyuseok from the room.

The door closes. The next moment, Daesuk, Hyeomi and Ahwon are up out of their seats and surrounding you.

“He made it kind of weird, didn’t he?” Hyeomi says, wrinkling her nose.

“Yeah. ‘May I ask if _this_ will affect my candidacy?’” Daesuk mimics critically.

“Not very respectful,” Ahwon agrees. “How was dancing with him, though, unnie? He looked like he knew what was doing, at least.”

“I think he did,” you say. “What do you guys think, did we look okay? I was kind of trying to block him out, to be honest.”

“Oh, really?” Daesuk says. “I didn’t pick up on that.”

“He was pretty responsive to you,” Hyeomi agrees.

“What happened between you guys, anyway?” Ahwon asks.

Before you have to share your embarrassing crush, Jaeeun calls you over. “Huddle in, guys.”

The four of you return to the table, where Ken and Hyuk have already seated themselves beside Jaeeun. She looks to you and says, “What did you think, Y/N-ah? Must’ve been a surprise, eh?”

“Yeah, it was,” you admit. “How did you know, though, saem?”

“He reacted like he knew you,” Jaeeun says with a shrug. “And you know what, familiarity might be an advantage for us in this situation.”

“Oh—but I’ve never danced with him before.”

“Really?” She cocks her head. “Hm, you had great chemistry. I definitely assumed you’d danced together before.”

“Great chemistry?” you repeat, a little boggled.

“I mean,” Ken inserts, “I think it was about the same as that one guy. The one who danced ‘Fantasy’.”

“Hyung, you called that guy basic,” Hyuk points out.

“Well, turns out the rest were all around that level,” Ken defends himself. “None of them really stood _out_ , right? None of them made you go, ‘Oh yeah, this person matches Y/N-noona’.”

With a short sigh, Jaeeun slaps the folder of resumes closed. “Ahwon, Daesuk, Hyeomi, Y/N-ah, let’s think it over and meet this afternoon to discuss, okay? Without Jaehwan. Clearly we’re not going to be making a decision now.”

“Sure.” You all acquiesce, while Ken sits back in his chair grumbling to himself.

“Then we’re done for now. Thanks for your time, guys.”

“Thanks, saem.”

“See you later, saem!”

“Let’s grab lunch together in the caf?”

“I’ll meet you there,” you tell them, “I’m just going to grab my phone from the staff room.”

Just as you reach the front door of the studio, you hear: “Y/N-noona!”

You turn to find Ken trotting up to you with his trademark smile. “I’ll walk to the break room with you,” he says, disgruntlement gone.

“Oh—okay.” You touch a hand briefly to the handkerchief in your pocket, then try a neutral conversation starter. “Do you have any schedules today?”

But his response is completely lost when the door swings open and you’re suddenly face-to-face with Lee Gyuseok.

“Ah—”

A very undignified noise leaves your mouth. You step backward on instinct, and your back hits Ken’s chest. Another gasp almost escapes you before you clamp your mouth shut.

“Hello,” says Gyuseok. His gaze barely flickers to Ken before retraining on you.

“Hello.” You hope your gulp isn’t visible. _Calm down_. He’s just a high school acquaintance. You’re in your thirties, for heaven’s sake. This is fine. You’re fine.

…Except you have no idea what to say.

“Oh, you’re the last candidate,” Ken says, fortunately filling the silence. “The one who knows Y/N-noona from high school. Right?”

“Yes.” Gyuseok dips his head politely. “Nice to meet you, Ken-ssi.”

Instead of replying, Ken turns and flat-out beams at you. “Noona, you were surprised, right?” He leans in to drape an arm over your shoulders, and your jaw almost drops open again. “What a coincidence.” He redirects his smile at Gyuseok, whose eyebrows are slowly rising.

“Yes,” he replies, still polite. “I didn’t know Y/N-ssi was part of this dance team.” You read in between the lines: he wouldn’t have auditioned if he _had_ known.

“Oh, we’ve been dancing with noona for the past year.” Ken gives you a squeeze, his smile unwavering even though you’re sure you look loopy and lost right now. “So we really want to make sure we get the best person for Y/N-noona.”

Why is he telling Gyuseok this? Why is his arm around you? Your brain is whirling, and Gyuseok’s slightly disdainful expression isn’t helping.

“Anyway, nice to meet you,” Ken continues. “You know the way out, right?”

Gyuseok’s silent for a moment in the face of this frank dismissal, then he pivots and dips his head again. “I’ll wait to hear from you, Y/N-ssi.”

“Ah, yes,” you say.

Then, finally, he turns and walks away.

Ken keeps you tight in his hold just until Gyuseok rounds the corner and moves out of sight. Then he pulls you around one-eighty degrees and starts marching down the hall.

Your stride is nowhere near as long as his, and soon you’re jogging to keep up. “Er, Jaehwan-ah—”

“Do you think that guy has a crush on you or something?” he says in a musing tone.

“What?”

He looks around sharply at your yelp, which fortunately slows your pace down to a walk. “What, did I guess right? He does?”

“No, no.” You laugh from sheer incredulity. “No, that’s not it at all.”

Ken furrows his brow. “Why not? Maybe he just never told you. Maybe he’s had a crush on you all this time.”

For a wild second, you have half a mind to tell him that’s a drama trope, not a fanfiction one. “I’m _quite_ sure,” you say carefully, “that he has not.”

“Why? How can you sure?” Ken finally removes his arm from your shoulders so he can gesture in the air. “If you ask me, the way he was acting today definitely says he has.”

“I… the way he was acting?”

“I mean, he literally hung around after the audition to talk to you.”

“What? No.” You can’t help another incredulous chuckle. “He was just about to leave when I ran into him.”

“Noona.” Ken stops in front of the staff room door and faces you with a stern look. “You’re not taking me seriously, are you?”

 _Taking him seriously?_ All you can do is splutter. “No, that’s—”

“As a man, I’m telling you, he was behaving like a man who’s interested.”

This is just pure ridiculousness. “No, he wasn’t!”

“How would you know that??”

“Because _I_ was the one who had a crush on him in high school!”

For a moment, Ken just stares at you.

Then he says, “What?!”

“And he made it clear that he wasn’t interested. That’s—that’s how I can say that.”

Ken’s mouth opens and closes like a goldfish.

“Anyway, that was over twenty years ago,” you finish stiffly. “So. Yes.” You manage a bob of your head, then lunge for the safety of the staff room.

Before you can close the door, though, Ken’s crashing in after you, pushing the door open so hard it bounces off the wall. “What did you say? Noona! What did you just say?”

You whirl around, but keep backing up until you’ve got the table in between you two. “It was a long time ago,” you repeat, trying to sound calm and collected. “A schoolgirl crush, you know, not a big deal.”

Except for some reason, it looks like Ken definitely thinks it’s a big deal. “Why did you only just tell me this?” he demands.

Eh??? “What do you—when was I supposed to tell you—?”

“Wait, does this mean _you’ve_ harbored a crush all this time??”

“No!” You wave your hands frantically. “Like I said, it was a long time ago, when we were in high school.”

“So you don’t like him at all anymore?”

“No! Of course not, we never even saw each other after high school. It was just a crush, that’s it.”

He finally stops firing questions, lips pursing as his gaze roves over your face. Your breath is strained; you feel like you’ve just run a race.

“Anyway.” You clear your throat and straighten your back under his scrutiny. “That’s how it is.”

“…Okay.” Ken nods and shifts his weight back from his aggressive posture. “Got it.”

“Great.” You eye him as you sidle out from behind the table. What a strange mood he’s in.

He looks at you looking at him and fully relaxes his stance. “Sorry, noona. I didn’t mean to attack you with questions like that.” He smiles once more, a bit sheepishly.

Carefully, you ask, “Was there a reason you wanted to know?”

“Mm, I guess I just reacted badly,” he says, which doesn’t sound much like a reason. “I think I have poor control around you, noona.”

???

“Oh?” is all you can say. Because what the hell does that mean?

Ken laughs a little. “This is my second time apologizing to you in two days,” he says. “I’m sorry. I should be less…”

He trails off, staring at you.

You edge away from him, moving toward your locker, and try to think of something light to say to diffuse the mood. “How about I return your handkerchiefs,” you suggest, “and we can call it even.”

There’s the sound of a few quick footsteps as you reach into your locker and retrieve your phone.

When you turn back around, Ken’s right there in front of you.

You just about jump backward into your locker.

“Don’t,” he says. His smile is barely there. “You keep the handkerchiefs. All right, noona?”

“A-all right.” Your involuntary stutter makes you flush; you clamp your mouth shut and try not to lean away from his stare.

“Good.” He looks at you some more.

“I—should get going,” you fumble. “To the meeting with Jaeeun.”

“Right.” Ken steps back and keeps his eyes on you as you scurry toward the door. “Let me know who you choose. Okay, noona?”

“Okay,” you squeak, and flee the break room.

So much for light.


	7. retreat

“It’s not just because he danced ‘Noona, You’re So Pretty’.”

“Right, he also danced well with Y/N-unnie.”

“And the two songs’ styles were different, but he got both of them.”

“I liked his energy,” Jaeeun agrees with Daesuk, Hyeomi and Ahwon. “And he did match with Y/N-ah.”

The four of them look to you.

“His interpretation of ‘Noona, You’re So Pretty’ was good,” you acknowledge.

“How did you feel dancing with him as a partner?” Jaeeun asks.

You scrunch up your face and try to remember past the self-consciousness surrounding the memory. “It… was pretty effortless, I guess. He knew the choreography well, and I didn’t have to adjust or overcompensate against him.”

Jaeeun nods. “It looked effortless from the outside, so it’s good that it felt that way to you too.”

“Unnie,” Ahwon says. “You think you’ll be comfortable?”

You reassure her with a smile. “I’m fine with it if you guys think he’s the best one.”

“Was there anyone else who stood out to you more?” Jaeeun checks.

“Not really, no,” you admit.

“Then we’re officially hiring Lee Gyuseok.” She nods and closes the folder of resumes with finality.

“The rest were all too inferior, eh?” Daesuk sighs dramatically.

“Like you, oppa,” Hyeomi pokes.

“Ow!” He puts a hand to his heart.

“It’s true,” Ahwon chimes in. “The only one worthy of Y/N-unnie besides Changyeon-oppa is saem here.”

“Saem, won’t you join our group and save unnie?” Hyeomi appeals to Jaeeun.

She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “Stop it before Changyeon accuses me of stealing his crew again.”

“Excuse me?” At that moment, the door opens and Changyeon himself walks in, a frown on his face.

“Oh, hello, Changyeon-oppa!” Hyeomi immediately assumes an innocent face.

Jaeeun squares up to him. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t take part in the decision-making process.”

He gives a curt nod. “I’m just here to deliver some news.”

“It can’t wait…?” Jaeeun’s question trails off when the door opens wider to let in the five members of Vixx.

“Hello,” Leo says, dipping a quick bow to everyone as he leads the way in. “Apologies for interrupting.”

“Hey, guys!” Ken bustles in after Leo, a wide smile ready and aimed at the entire room. Ravi, Hongbin and Hyuk follow.

“Oh, hi, kids,” Jaeeun greets them. “What’s up?”

“We have some news,” Ken chirps.

“Yes,” Leo continues, “we spoke with Changyeon-hyung and our managers about the situation of his dance crew, since Soonil-hyung left the team.”

“Left? I thought he was taking time off,” Jaeeun says, shooting a frown at Changyeon.

“That’s right,” Leo acknowledges quickly, “so that’s why we wanted to talk things over about how to do things right with Changyeon-hyung.”

Jaeeun frowns. “Do things right?”

Hongbin clucks his tongue and scolds Leo: “Just say it, hyung, don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Don’t make a big deal out of what?” Jaeeun frowns harder.

“Let Changyeon-hyung explain,” Hyuk intervenes, and Leo acquiesces by looking to Changyeon.

He in turn makes eye contact with the five of you. “We’re going on a three-day retreat.”

Your mouth drops. “Retreat?”

“Retreat?” Ahwon repeats.

“Hyung,” says Daesuk, “you don’t mean like a vacation, do you?”

“No way,” Hyeomi says.

Changyeon smiles a little, creases forming around his eyes. “I guess you could call it a vacation, yes.”

“It _is_ a vacation!” Ken pipes up, clapping his hands from the sidelines. “And it’s all expenses paid!”

Ravi gives him a hard nudge. “Don’t brag, hyung,” he hisses.

“So crass,” Hongbin agrees with a light shudder.

“Why would the company pay for a retreat for your dance crew?” Jaeeun asks skeptically.

“You’re coming with us too, saem,” Hyuk reassures her.

“With _you_?” Her eyebrows shoot up. So do yours.

“With—” You fix your questioning gaze on Changyeon.

“Ah, right,” he says. “Vixx will be going on the retreat as well.”

“Together??” you check.

“Noona, you don’t want to?” Ken pulls out his puppy dog eyes.

You clear your throat and don’t quite meet his gaze. “No, no, that’s not it.”

“So the five of us, plus Jaeeun-saem, plus Vixx?” Ahwon checks.

“Actually…” Changyeon pauses. “There are two more people coming.”

Hyeomi gasps.

You all look at her.

She looks back with shining eyes. “Oppa—do you mean—”

It dawns on the rest of you at the same time.

“SOONIL!” you holler in perfect sync with Ahwon and Daesuk.

Jaeeun jumps at the volume of your combined voices, but she’s smiling now too.

“He’s coming back?” Ahwon shouts.

“Is Dagun coming too??” Daesuk asks eagerly.

“But it hasn’t been that long,” Hyeomi says, “won’t they still need to take care of—?”

Changyeon clears his throat. “He’s not coming back permanently, yet,” he clarifies. “He’ll just be with us for the three days.”

“Then who’s the other person?” Daesuk asks.

“The other person is…” Changyeon’s gaze flicks to Jaeeun.

A look of understanding dawns over her face. “The other person is the new hire.”

For a moment, you all take this in.

Then:

“Wait,” Daesuk says, “so we’re going on a retreat with this guy we just hired?”

“Won’t that be…” Ahwon trails off.

“Awkward?” Hyeomi suggests. “Weird? Uncomfortable?”

“I think it’ll be a good opportunity to bond on a short timeline,” Jaeeun says briskly, taking it in stride.

You look to Changyeon. “This is what you suggested, sunbae?”

He glances at Leo, who answers instead.

“Changyeon-hyung mentioned that with our timelines, you hadn’t had time to rest,” he explains. “We as Vixx are very grateful to your crew for supporting us for this comeback, so we wanted to thank you.”

“And get some vacation time ourselves, too,” Hongbin says wryly.

“Even though Ravi-hyung parties all the time already with his Groovl1n guys,” Hyuk adds.

“I do not,” Ravi says with a frown.

“It _is_ all guys, isn’t it?” Hyeomi says to you in a low conversational tone. “I didn’t notice.”

“Korean hip hop’s kind of male-dominated in general, no?” you reply.

“No, wait.” Ravi raises his voice, looking toward the two of you. “I didn’t try to pick men on purpose, that’s how it worked out so far.”

“I’m sure, Ravi-ssi.” Hyeomi graces him with a patronizing nod, while Ken snickers and elbows Ravi.

“You can just hire some female artists,” Leo advises him.

“I can’t just hire…” Ravi splutters. “Why are we talking about me now?”

“Yes, back to the matter at hand,” Changyeon steers. “The departure date is next Monday, everyone, so please start to think about what to bring.”

“Monday?” Jaeeun raises her brows. “Good thing we made a decision so quickly on the new dancer, then.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ken speaks up, bouncing a little on his heels. “Who did you choose?”

“Are we allowed to know yet?” Hyuk asks keenly.

“You’ll meet him next week,” Jaeeun says, business-like. “Now, if that’s all, we have a practice to get to, everyone.”

“Aw, come on, saem, can’t you give us a hint? A _tiny_ hint??” Ken whines.

“Nope.”

“Saem…!”

* * *

That evening, you’re packing up in the break room to go home when the door opens and Ken walks in.

“Oh, hey, noona!” He spots you, beams and makes a beeline for you. “Here you are, I was looking for you.”

You smile cautiously. “Hello, Jaehwan-ah. What’s up?”

“So I know Jaeeun-saem didn’t want to share at the meeting this afternoon yet, but…” He cocks his head winsomely. “Can you tell me who we’re choosing to replace Soonil-hyung as your partner?”

“I don’t think so,” you say apologetically. “Sorry.”

He switches to a pout faster than the speed of light. “But it’s not a big deal to tell me first, right? You know, because I was at the auditions today too. I’m kind of already part of the process, no?”

Er, that’s not how it works, but fortunately he continues talking before you have to figure out how to tell him that.

“And wouldn’t it be better to have an idea of who we’re going to be spending three days with during next week’s retreat?” he says. “So we can be prepared—”

The door opens and Leo’s entrance cuts him off.

“Yah, Jaehwan-ah,” he barks, marching into the room with the rest of Vixx. Ravi follows on his heels toward the two of you; Hyuk wanders further into the room and Hongbin plops down on a chair at the table.

“Oh, hyung. What is it?” Ken turns to face Leo’s incoming approach.

“We agreed we wouldn’t tell her why we’re doing the retreat,” Leo snaps in a restrained tone. “What do you think you’re doing right now?”

“What—wait, that’s not what I’m doing right now,” Ken defends himself.

“We heard you talking about the retreat, hyung,” Ravi says reproachfully.

“I wasn’t telling her anything, I was asking her a question—”

“Either way,” Leo says, “ _don’t_ let it slip that we’re doing this retreat to pay her back.”

You blink.

They blink.

“Pay me back?” you ask.

They look at you.

Hongbin sighs from his seat.

“You’re all dummies,” Hyuk contributes into the silence.

You continue staring at Leo, Ken and Ravi.

“Pay me back for what?”

“Nothing,” Ravi blurts, “nothing, noonim. Ignore that, Leo-hyung just had a brain fart—ow.”

Leo retracts his elbow from Ravi’s side and addresses you. “Please don’t mind what I just said, Y/N-ssi. It’s not what it sounds like.”

“Okay,” you say slowly. “That’s good… because I thought for a second you meant you were paying me back for the restaurant tip.”

Ravi swallows.

“That’s _not_ what you meant, right?”

Leo opens and closes his mouth.

After a few more seconds of silence, Ken can’t take it anymore. “It was their idea!” he tattles, pointing at Leo and Ravi.

“Yah!” Leo cries.

“Hyung!” Ravi protests.

“Seriously?!” you burst out, completely boggled. “You’re paying back a restaurant tip with an all-expenses paid three-day retreat?”

“It’s not just for that,” Leo says, scrambling to recover. “We wanted to show our appreciation to your crew, and this was an idea that we all liked, including Changyeon-hyung.”

“We were trying to decide how to spend money on you,” Ken states.

You splutter out a choked laugh. “ _Seriously?”_

Ravi hisses at Ken. “Don’t word it like that, hyung.”

Hongbin speaks up dryly: “You should’ve taken the money when they were offering cash, noona.”

“Yeah,” you say, still in shock. “I see that now.”

“But now, at least, we get time off,” Hyuk chimes in, drifting back over from the far corner of the room. “So it’s okay, right, noona?”

“That’s right!” Ken adds. “All’s well that ends well. Yeah?”

Leo huffs. “Stop sucking up to her.”

Ravi turns on him. “Hyung, you were the one who spilled in the first place.”

“Yeah,” Ken says, “I didn’t even say anything about it before you came. I was just asking who the new dancer is.”

“Hey, you know Jaeeun-saem already said not to ask,” Hyuk scolds, coming to stand beside Ravi. “Don’t put noona in a bad position.”

“All you guys do is put me in bad positions.” You shake your head, lingering disbelief making you more honest than usual.

The mood droops, instantaneously.

“Aw, noona…” Ken wilts.

“Sorry, noonim,” Ravi says, looking down and shuffling his feet.

Hyuk plaintively sticks his bottom lip out. “Really, noona?”

“Harsh,” Hongbin comments, though he’s the only one who looks like he doesn’t actually care.

“Do you really feel that way?” Leo asks you gravely.

“Wait, no, I was just joking,” you hurry to say. Why are they acting like you shot them through the heart or something? “Of course I’m very happy to be going on a company trip with you.”

“We’ll make sure it’s a good experience for you,” Ken says, perking right up again.

“I’m sure it will be,” you say. “Then, I’ll be heading out first.”

The Vixx members all nod and say polite goodbyes. Just before you exit the room, Ken calls out.

“Noona, you’ll tell me who the new dancer is as soon as you can, right?”

You turn. He’s craning his neck around Leo and Ravi to make eye contact with you.

“Stop bothering her,” Hyuk admonishes. “Good night, noona!”

“I’m not bothering her! Noona, am I bothering you?”

“You’re bothering her just by asking that, hyung.”

“How??”

“Hurry up and leave while you can, noona,” Hongbin advises you as Vixx’s maknae and Vixx’s fake maknae devolve into bickering.

Suppressing a smile, you do just that.


	8. driving

Packing keeps you occupied enough over the weekend that you have zero time to think about what’s actually going to happen on the retreat. But then Monday morning comes, and reality hits you as soon as you enter the company building.

There’s Lee Gyuseok, standing next to Changyeon in the lobby, bowing toward Jaeeun and Hongbin, Hyuk and Ken. Gyuseok’s got a suitcase beside him, just like you do, and you realize: you’re about to embark on a three-day trip with your dance crew, an awkward acquaintance, and five idols and their managers.

Why didn’t you realize earlier how bad of an idea this was?

Not that you can do anything about it at this point.

“Oh, Y/N-ah.” Jaeeun spots you and waves you over.

“Hello.” You dip your head in greeting and make very brief eye contact with everyone.

“Gyuseok-ssi, this is Y/N,” Changyeon says to him. “I’m sure you remember her from the auditions.”

“Yes.” Gyuseok nods to you as well. “I look forward to working with you.”

“Great, because we’re going to be doing lots of work,” Jaeeun says breezily. “There’s quite a bit of choreography to catch up on.”

“Saem, this retreat is supposed to be a healing time for everyone, you know,” Hyuk pipes up.

“And,” Ken adds, “we already promised Y/N-noona that this would be a good experience. You can’t make her work too hard, okay?” He smiles winningly. “Besides! It’s Gyuseok-ssi who’ll be catching up on the choreography, right? No need to sacrifice noona.”

“Sacrifice?” Hongbin snorts a little.

Gyuseok’s gaze darts uncertainly between Ken and Jaeeun. “I’ll work hard,” he states, and tacks on a polite bow just to be safe.

“That’s the right attitude.” Jaeeun nods.

“Gyuseok-ssi, you can come with me to the staff room,” Changyeon says. He turns to you. “Y/N-ah, the others are already on the first parking level with their things, you can join them.”

“Okay.” Relieved, you make your escape.

The entrance area of the first underground parking level seems empty when you step out of the elevator. But voices are coming from deeper within, so you follow the noise to see—

“Soonil-ah!”

Soonil’s standing in between two large vans, surrounded by the rest of your crew. Everyone looks around at your shout, and then the next few minutes are a flurry of greetings and exclamations and hugs.

“How’s everything at home?” you say as you pull back and look Soonil over. “You lost weight, didn’t you? Did Dagun, too? You guys need to eat well as parents, you know.”

“I know, I know.” He smiles cheerfully. “Mealtimes are all over the place now, it’s really all according to Munsik’s mood.”

“Is Munsik eating well, at least?” Ahwon asks.

“Is Dagun going to be okay taking care of Munsik for three days by himself?” Daesuk demands anxiously.

“Changyeon-oppa didn’t force you to come to this retreat, did he?” asks Hyeomi.

Chuckling, Soonil takes a step back to answer everyone’s questions. “Munsik’s doing well, he’s gaining weight really quickly. And Dagun wanted me to come to this retreat,” he reassures you all. “We’ll be trading off. Once I’m back, I’ll take care of Munsik while he returns to his freelancing for a while.”

“Oh, good.” You relax.

“Now, are you going to give me the details about the new guy?” Soonil cocks his brows.

Before you can answer, Daesuk shushes you. “They’re coming,” he says in a low tone.

You all turn toward the building entrance, where Gyuseok and Changyeon are heading up a group comprised of five Vixx members, three of their managers and Jaeeun at the rear.

“Hello,” Gyuseok says as he draws near, dipping his head to each of you in turn.

Soonil offers an opening smile. “Looking forward to getting to know you in the close confines of a van for the next two hours.”

“No better way to make new friends than through travel,” Daesuk says lightly. “Right?”

“You put on deodorant this morning, yeah?” Hyeomi jokes in return.

“Here, smell and check.” He lifts his armpit and waves it around.

“No thanks, oppa.” Ahwon swats him away before he can approach. “You know, unnie,” she remarks to you, “I just realized we’re outnumbered three to one.”

You glance around as the rest of the group arrives, and you get what she means: twelve men, four women.

“That’s what happens when a boy group goes on vacation,” Changyeon says pragmatically. He fishes a set of keys out from his pocket and opens the trunk of the first van. “We’ll take this one with Jaeeun, the members and managers can take the other one.”

Jaeeun skirts around Kang-manager, Park-manager and Homyeon-manager to join your crew. “Hurry, let’s drive away and leave them behind while they’re not paying attention,” she jokes. “Changyeon, the reservations are in your name, right?”

“They’re under Kang-manager’s name, actually.” Changyeon finishes packing everyone’s bags and pulls open the van’s side door. “Hop in, everyone.”

“We’ll hardly fit,” you say doubtfully, looking over the van’s eight-seating capacity.

“Hyung, you take the passenger seat,” Daesuk defers to Soonil, and gets into the backseat after Ahwon and Hyeomi.

Quickly, you climb into the middle seat and let Jaeeun separate you from Gyuseok. Soonil gets in the passenger side while Changyeon starts the car from the driver’s seat.

He rolls down the window to stick his head out. “Are we ready to go?” he calls to the staff clumped around the members.

That gets the managers in gear, and soon their party of eight has squeezed into the van beside yours. Changyeon salutes to the other driver, then sets off.

“That must be a tight fit, with all the kids in there,” Jaeeun notes.

“They’re all big guys, too,” Daesuk agrees.

Changyeon nods as he directs the car out of the parking garage and into traffic. “They’ll probably be asking us to switch up seats by the time we get to the first rest stop.”

“Why?” you ask.

“You, Ahwon, Hyeomi and Jaeeun-saem all take up less room,” Soonil points out.

“Because we’re women?” Ahwon says.

“Because you’re all smaller than the men, yes,” he replies.

“That’s why I said let’s hurry and drive away while they’re not paying attention,” Jaeeun says.

“C’mon, we’re going non-stop, oppa!” Hyeomi says.

“Let’s beat them there and get all the good rooms!” Daesuk cheers.

“Actually,” you say, “I wanted to ask what kind of lodgings we’ll be in.”

Changyeon hesitates before answering. “I’m not sure of the details, to be honest. Taekwoon and the managers booked rooms at a site they’ve been to before, but I don’t know exactly where we’re staying.”

“You don’t know?” you repeat.

“Sooo,” Daesuk says, “this could be, like… a camping trip?”

“Surely we’re not going to be in tents,” Ahwon says.

Jaeeun’s laughing at you. “Look at Y/N’s face right now.”

“…I hate tents,” you state.

“We can ask for details at the first rest stop,” Soonil says reassuringly.

*

Good news: there are no tents.

Turns out your party has a small boutique bed-and-breakfast booked all to yourselves, with a total of ten rooms to share. When Changyeon gets the name of the B&B from Leo, you look it up on your phone and breathe a sigh of relief at the modern-looking photos.

“Feeling better?” Soonil chuckles as he holds up a fried potato to your mouth.

You take a bite without moving your eyes from your phone screen. “I really hate camping.”

Hyeomi comes over to poke, “You’re such a city girl, unnie.”

“You wouldn’t like tents either, Hyeomi-yah,” you tell her, and take a bite from the potato she offers you.

“Ten rooms, though,” Ahwon says as she joins you, potato in hand. “Who do you think’s going to get a room to themselves?” She holds up her potato to you.

You almost take yet another bite before you come to your senses and look around. “Why are you all giving me food?”

“You’re the only one not eating, Y/N-ah.” Daesuk arrives to stuff another potato in your mouth.

“I can feed myself!” you try to enunciate around a mouthful of starch.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

You scowl at him and chew furiously.

“Probably Changyeon-oppa and the managers, don’t you think?” Hyeomi says to Ahwon.

Ahwon nods. “And then you and I share, Y/N-unnie and Jaeeun-saem share…” She lowers her voice and glances over at Gyuseok, who’s standing a short distance away with Changyeon. “And Gyuseok shares with one of the members?”

“No, I bet I’ll be sharing with him,” Daesuk says. “Soonil-hyung can share with one of the members.”

“We’ll let them decide.” Soonil offers you the last of his potato.

You dodge. “Go feed Jaeeun-saem, she isn’t eating either.”

“She’s over there figuring out seating arrangements with the managers,” Soonil says, and successfully coaxes his potato into your mouth.

“Seating arrangements?” says Hyeomi.

Before Soonil can elaborate, the cluster of managers and Vixx members starts back toward the five of you standing near the vans.

“Everyone’s eaten?” says Kang-manager, gathering your whole group with a few waves of his hands. “Good. Let’s get back on the road and aim to arrive around five.”

Jaeeun rounds the staff and comes over to loop her arm through yours. “You and I will be switching vans with two of the Vixx managers for this second leg,” she says. “The kids are just too squished all together in that one van.”

You blink. “Eh?”

In the next moment, Ken’s bouncing over to your other side, tossing an arm casually over your shoulders. “Noona, you can sit with me and Hyogi!”

“Eh??”

“Say ahh.” Then there’s a fried potato in front of your face.

Spluttering, you try and back away, but both Jaeeun’s and Ken’s grips keep you in place. “That’s okay, I’m okay, I ate already.”

“You barely ate, I saw the others feeding you,” he says, in a tone that’s a killer mix of cute nagging and stern scolding.

“Uh, well, Jaeeun-saem should eat too—”

“Come on, noona…” He pulls out a pout to go with his whine, and you succumb and gingerly open your mouth. It’s impossible to deny his aegyo, even if you didn’t have a crush on him. With an immediate grin, Ken holds the potato closer for you to take a bite.

“You can keep feeding her in the car,” Jaeeun says, tugging your arm forward. “Let’s get going.”

“Okay!” Cheerfully, Ken drops the potato into a bag and pulls you forward as well.

“See you there, unnie,” Hyeomi calls to you as she and Ahwon head back to the van with Changyeon, Soonil, Daesuk and two of the managers. You manage to wave back before Ken’s pulling you after the rest of the Vixx members.

Leo’s already in the passenger seat, his manager behind the wheel. Ravi climbs into the middle seat, followed by Jaeeun and then Hongbin on her other side.

Hyuk slides into the backseat and waves to you. “Here, noona!”

But Ken stops you before you can get in and instead seats himself in the middle. “Y/N-noona, you can sit beside me,” he says sweetly.

“Hey, I thought the point of switching was that we didn’t have to be all squished up against each other,” Hyuk complains. “Why can’t noona sit in the middle?”

“She’s already switched vans for our sake, I’m not going to make her suffer more by sitting next to you.” Ken gestures for you to sit down.

“But, hyung—”

“Here, noona.” Ken turns his back firmly on Hyuk and reaches to pull your seatbelt over you.

“I can do it,” you say, trying not to get flustered so freaking early in this van ride. But the way he’s leaning in to buckle you up is straight out of a romance drama, and your heart really needs to calm down right now.

“There.” As soon as he’s done, he whips out the container of potatoes and picks one up again. “Noona, finish this, mmkay?”

“Er—yes.” You try and take it from him, but he just moves it straight toward your face with a benign smile.

Cheeks hot, you take it carefully in your mouth and then draw back right away. Ken watches you eat with a pleased look on his face that somehow makes you want to flush even more.

To move his attention away, you swallow and say, “Jaeeun-saem should have some, too.”

“Ah, yes.” Ken pulls out of your space and reaches between Jaeeun and Hongbin to hold a potato in front of her as well. “Saem, eat up!”

“Give that to me before you smear it across my cheek,” Jaeeun chuckles, and successfully pries the potato from Ken’s hand to eat it by herself.

“Tell me if you want more, I have lots,” Ken tells her.

“Hyung, I want some,” Hyuk chirps.

“Nope! These are for noona and saem.”

“Please give some to Hyuk-ssi, if he wants them,” you say quickly.

Ken lets out a dramatic sigh. “Don’t you dare eat them all,” he says before handing over the container.

“I won’t.” A potato disappears into Hyuk’s mouth in the blink of an eye. “By the way, noona, we can talk informally, yeah?”

You’re caught off-guard as Ken, Hongbin and Ravi all glance around to you. “Um, yes, of course.”

Jaeeun laughs a little. “That means Wonshik should stop calling you noonim, right?”

“Yes, sure.” That’s an easy agreement; it’s weird to hear the extra level of deference from Ravi.

“Ah, then… I will, Y/N-noona,” Ravi says, with an ungainly twisted half-bow toward you from his seat.

“Ravi-hyung, don’t be so awkward,” Hyuk admonishes, “you make it harder on the staff.”

“Well, I’m not _trying_ to be awkward—”

“We know,” Hongbin says, “you’re just naturally like that.”

“Hey!”

Leo looks around at Jaeeun’s peal of laughter. “What are we talking about?” he asks.

“Ravi being dumber than usual,” Ken says with a giggle.

“Yah!” Ravi cries.

Seeing him outnumbered, you try to help him out. “It’s okay, Ravi, that’s really not so bad,” you say. “Actually, Jaehwan was using banmal with me until two weeks ago.”

There’s another collective turn of heads, except this time it’s Ken everyone’s gawking at.

He leaps to defend himself: “I didn’t know noona was older! I wasn’t trying to be forward or anything—I just thought she was younger than me. And we’re all on friendly terms with the other staff, right?”

Hyuk tsks. “So you just assumed?”

“I—well, look at her!” Ken gestures at you. “How could I have thought noona was older than me? She looks so young!”

“Are you trying to compliment your way out of this, hyung?” Hongbin says. “I don’t think that’ll work.”

“Ah, Jaehwanie, you better not let Changyeon hear of this,” Jaeeun says with a smirk. “Or else you’ll go on his blacklist forever.”

Ken’s eyes go wide. “What? Why? Why is that?”

“Ahh,” Hyuk says, “like that time when Leo-hyung tripped Ahwon-noona and apologized in banmal and Changyeon-hyung didn’t coach him one-on-one for a whole week?”

“Eh??” Leo cranes his neck around from the passenger seat. “ _That’s_ why hyung wasn’t talking to me?”

Jaeeun shakes her head with a mock-sigh. “You see? Just cut out. No explanations. Ruthless.”

As a befuddled Leo asks Jaeeun to elaborate, you glance around to see Ken looking at you with shocked eyes. Quickly you say, “It’s fine, Jaehwan-ah, don’t worry about it. I was just teasing.”

He tilts his head at you, uncertain. “I really am sorry, noona.”

“That’s okay.” You try a small, encouraging smile. “I just wanted to make Ravi feel better.”

His uncertainty morphs into a pout. “What? Seriously? Don’t use me like that.”

“Eh, don’t whine,” Hyuk says dismissively from his other side. “Noona’s just being nice.”

But Ken continues to pout. “Be nice to _me_ , noona.”

You look at him. “Am I not?”

That question seems to disarm him somewhat; he blinks back at you. You maintain eye contact, and the moment stretches.

Your phone rings, and you look away to pull it out. Beside you, Ken shifts back against the seat.

“Hey, Soonil-ah, what’s up?”

There’s loud talking in the background of Soonil’s call as he dives right into a question: “Y/N-ah! Your birthday is the second of March, right?”

“Huh?”

“Put it on speaker,” you hear Hyeomi tell him, and he does so.

“Unnie!” Ahwon says. “It’s May second! Tell him!”

“No, it’s March, yeah?” Soonil asks you.

You can’t help grinning. “Soonil-ah…”

“I’m right, come on,” he tries one last time.

“It’s May second, Soonil-ah.”

There’s a triumphant yell from Ahwon, while Daesuk says, “I told you so, hyung.”

A sigh rustles through the phone as Soonil accepts his defeat. “I thought it was March…”

“Should I be offended?” you joke.

“He forgot mine, too, Y/N-ah,” Daesuk tells you.

“If I’d known this game was happening, I would’ve prepared,” Soonil protests, while Hyeomi blows a raspberry at him.

You chuckle. “What game are we playing?”

“Oh, it’s an introduce-yourself game,” Ahwon tells you. “To get to know Gyuseok-ssi, and so he can get to know us.”

“Ahh.” You breathe a tiny sigh of relief, glad you’re not taking part. You haven’t exactly figured out yet how you want to know or be known by Gyuseok.

“By the way, when’s Jaeeun-saem’s birthday?” Hyeomi asks you.

“Even Changyeon-hyung doesn’t know,” Daesuk adds.

You lean forward and tap Jaeeun on the shoulder. “Saem?”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask when your birthday is? The crew wants to know.”

“Eh? Why?”

“They’re playing a getting-to-know-you game. For Gyuseok-ssi.”

“And for Soonil-hyung, who’s apparently forgotten all of us,” Daesuk shouts for Jaeeun to hear.

“Here, I’ll take it.” Jaeeun receives the phone from you. “All right, kids, are you sure you want to know old I am?”

Almost as soon as you settle back into your seat, Ken’s addressing you. “Your birthday is May second, noona?”

“Ah, yes, it is.”

“All right.” Grinning, he takes out his phone and starts typing.

“Uh…” You hesitate to ask if he’s recording your birthday; it almost seems too presumptuous.

The next thing you know, he’s aiming the camera at you. “Smile!” he says, and the camera clicks.

You blink as he lowers the phone to look at the photo he just took. “Er, what?”

“ _Cute_ ,” he says, in the dreamiest tone ever, and seeing him say that while he looks at a photo of you is enough to make you want to melt.

Wait. Maybe he just took a selfie of himself and Hyuk.

But then Ken straightens, looks at you and holds his phone out. “Noona,” he says. “Will you give me your number?”


	9. number

“Why?” you blurt.

“So I can text you,” Ken says, easy-breezy.

“Why… would you text me?”

He looks momentarily stumped before brightening. “Oh, it wouldn’t be for work! I’m not gonna make you do overtime.” His smile returns. “It’s just so we have each other’s information~.”

“Um.” Your gaze flickers around the van. Nobody else is paying any attention to what feels like a transgressive conversation. Are you even allowed to accept an idol’s personal contact information?

“You don’t want to?”

The forlorn dimming of his smile makes you panic a little. “Jaeeun-saem!” you squawk.

She twists in her seat, still holding your phone. “Huh? What is it?”

“Um, uh, is Ken allowed to have my phone number?”

“Eh?” She tilts her head. “I don’t see why not.”

“Yeah, why not?” Ken echoes. “The manager hyungs won’t mind.”

You feel like sweating under his inquiring gaze. “It’s not, like, a risk or anything?”

Jaeeun turns her attention to the phone. “Soonil-ah, can you check with Kang-manager whether the kids can exchange numbers with your crew?” She pauses to listen, then looks back to you and nods. “He says Kang-manager says yes.”

Ken beams and promptly hands you his phone.

With uncertain fingers, you type in your number and hand it back to him. Immediately, he opens up a new text window and sends you a message. “I texted you, noona, so you’ll have my number, too.”

“Ah, yes.” You nod, look straight ahead and try not to think too hard about the fact that you literally have your celebrity crush’s number now.

“Saem! Give noona her phone back so she can save my number.”

“All right. Soonil-ah, I’m hanging up.” Jaeeun ends the call with the other van.

Ken grabs the phone almost before she offers it back and pushes it into your hands. “Here, save it.”

Just as you open your texts, Jaeeun tells you, “Gyuseok-ssi sent you his number too, Y/N-ah.”

“WHAT,” says Ken.

You nearly jump right out of your skin. Hyuk looks up from his phone, and even Hongbin and Ravi glance back.

Jaeeun clucks her tongue. “Yah, Jaehwan, what are you yelling for?”

Ken pulls himself up ramrod straight. “I’m not, I—what did you say about Gyuseok-ssi?”

“I said he sent his number to Y/N-ah.”

“Why?!” he cries, making you jump again. “Sorry, sorry noona. But—why?”

“What do you mean why?” Jaeeun says. “He’s our new dancer, why shouldn’t they exchange numbers?”

“But…” Ken trails off into a whine. “I mean, I only just…”

“You only just what?” Hyuk asks loudly.

“Nothing!” Ken snaps, before turning his back to the maknae to face you. “Noona, here, please save my number before you forget.” He whips out a smile to go with the anxious pats of his fingers against your phone.

“Ah, yes.” You finally focus your attention on the screen to see two messages from new numbers. One says _Hi noona~_ , and the other says _Hello, this is Gyuseok-ssi_.

No mistaking which one’s which, that’s for sure.

“You saved it?” Ken is nearly craning his neck to view your phone screen.

“Er—” It’s a little hard to focus with him peering over your shoulder; your mind whirls as you struggle to decide what to enter as the contact name.

Fortunately, at that moment Ken’s own phone pings, and he moves his attention off you to check it. Breathing a little easier, you input “켄”, save his number and then push your phone deep into your pocket.

Surreal. Seriously.

*

…There’s a gentle rustling; whispers of movement; the dampened rushing sound of wind.

Blearily, you open your eyes from the doze you hadn’t realized you’d drifted off into. The van’s dim in the evening light, and your eyelids flutter as sleep leaves you.

“Sorry, noona.” A soft whisper. “Did I wake you?”

You look up to see Ken, right there beside you, with a sweet smile to match his gentle words. What an unusual sensation, you think fuzzily to yourself, to see his face now, while you’re in this space between sleeping and waking.

“…It’s okay.” You push yourself upright in your seat, but there’s something covering your body that restricts your movement. You look down: an unfamiliar padded jacket is draped over your torso and arms.

“Sorry, I just wanted to adjust this.” Ken reaches in to pull the jacket more fully over you. He’s close, close in the navy darkness of the evening.

“Ah,” you say, eloquently.

“You’re not cold?”

“No. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He smiles again.

The van’s quiet, and looking around you see the others dozing or resting as well. Ken’s proximity feels halfway to intimate in the hushed atmosphere; you swallow, wriggle upright a little more and search for a suitable conversation topic.

“Are we almost there?”

“Yes, I think so.” He leans forward to peer toward the front of the car. “The GPS says thirty minutes.” He sits back and turns to you once more. “Did Changyeon-hyung tell you much about where we’re staying?”

“Ah, he shared the hotel, yes.” You pull out your phone. The motion causes the jacket to slip, and again Ken reaches in to adjust it.

You look up. There he is, a few centimetres away.

His gaze flicks up from the jacket to your face. His arms pause their movements.

Your breath catches.

Then your phone rings.

Both of you startle; you quickly sit upright and Ken pulls back, giving up on the jacket. You drop your eyes to your phone, see Ahwon’s name and swipe to pick up.

“Hello?”

The amount of noise coming through your phone sounds like a near-explosion compared to the quiet van. “Y/N-ah!” comes Ahwon’s loud voice.

“Oh, Ahwon, hi.” You press the volume-down button a few times.

“Kang-manager says he can’t reach anyone in your van. Do you mind sharing your phone’s GPS location with us?” Her voice is half-swallowed by the music in the background as well as at least three people singing along.

“Sure. Why?”

“Apparently we’re—”

Ahwon is abruptly cut off:

“YEAAAAAAAH~!”

You jerk your phone away from your ear, stare at it for a second and then put it back.

“Hyeomi-yah!” Ahwon’s shouting. “What was that for?”

“Eh? I was just singing along!” you hear Hyeomi respond. “You know, it’s that part where Baekhyun has the really high ad-lib.”

“Was that singing? I thought you were just screaming,” Daesuk says.

Ahh. “Are you guys listening to ‘Jopping’?” you ask Ahwon.

She sighs. “Yeah.”

“Excuse you, I sang it exactly how it is in the song,” Hyeomi says to Daesuk in the background.

“It does kind of sound like a scream,” Soonil offers.

“See? Soonil-oppa agrees too,” Hyeomi says.

“He’s just trying to win his way back into your good graces,” says Daesuk.

“Still,” Changyeon speaks up, “let’s refrain from singing at any decibel which might impact the managers’ driving, all right?”

“So we should probably take ‘Mirotic’ off the playlist,” Ahwon contributes.

“That’s Kang-manager’s favourite, though!” Hyeomi says.

You’re grinning by this point. “What did you want to ask me, Ahwon-ah?”

“Oh—can you share your GPS location with us? Apparently you guys are way behind us. The managers are trying to figure out where you are, but none of the members are picking up their phones.”

“Ah, yeah…” You drop your voice a little, perhaps a bit late. “Everyone’s sleeping here. Give me two seconds.”

“Hyeomi’s ad-lib didn’t wake anybody up?” Ahwon jokes.

“No, our whole van’s out like a light.”

“Sounds peaceful.”

“But less interesting.” You tap through your GPS settings. “Okay, I’m sharing with you.”

“Awesome, thanks. I’ll hang up now, okay?”

“Okay. Save me one of the good rooms when you get there.”

“No promises,” Ahwon says cheerfully. “Kang-manager, here you go!”

There’s some shuffling as her phone exchanges hands before a beep signals the call’s end.

You lower your phone and smile down at the screen.

“But less interesting?”

Your head jerks up at Ken’s soft words.

“Sorry?” You feel the smile slipping off your face. Was he eavesdropping?

“No, wait.” He leans forward, a little crease appearing on his brow. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” You lean back.

“You…” He lets out a small, frustrated huff. “You always stop smiling. When you talk to me.”

“What?” You’re lost.

“Why don’t you smile like that with me?” he says, voice low.

“…Like what?”

“Like you do whenever you’re with the rest of the dance crew.” His eyes move over your face. “Whenever you lower your guard.”

Your words get stuck in your throat. Why is he saying this?

Quietly, quietly, he says, “We _are_ friends, aren’t we, noona?”

He’s searching your gaze, looking for something.

“Yes,” you manage.

“Yes?”

He’s so close, you realize. Your hands come up automatically to press against his torso, to keep some semblance of space between you.

He looks down and, almost without hesitation, covers your hands with his. Now your hands are clasped in his and he’s still this close, so close.

“Ken,” you whisper.

“Jaehwan,” he corrects, just as softly.

“…Jaehwan.”

“Yes,” he replies readily. “Tell me. Tell me what to do to lower your guard.”

His gaze is steady, earnest, dizzying enough to make you speak a little bit of truth:

“I don’t want to.”

“You don’t want to?” he repeats.

“Mm. I… don’t want to lower my guard around you.”

“Why?” His hands tighten around yours, like he’s about to tug you closer. “Why don’t you want to?”

“I—” You swallow, struggling to keep the words in. But he’s right there in front of you, surrounding you, breath touching yours, and you can’t help but say it:

“I like you too much.”

For a moment, he doesn’t move. Then his lips part. His eyes widen. And all your fleeting hopes that he might have interpreted your catastrophic statement in a platonic way are dashed.

At that moment, the van brakes particularly hard. Both of you jerk forward with the momentum, while all of the van’s sleeping parties are rudely awakened.

“Ow.” Hyuk grumbles and yawns on Ken’s other side. “Are we there yet?”

You yank your hands out of Ken’s so hard that you hit yourself in the chest. Heart hammering, you turn away from him and glue your gaze out the window. Please let nobody have heard what you said, please let nobody have heard what you said…

“Whoa, it’s dark out,” says Ravi, sleep making his voice even deeper than usual.

“I have three messages from Taehun-hyung,” Leo says from up front, referencing Kang-manager. “He’s asking us where we are.”

Hongbin stretches before addressing the manager who’s in the driver’s seat. “Homyeon-hyung, did we get lost again?”

In a general hubbub of noise, the members and managers get the van heading in the right direction, while in the back seat you scrunch yourself into the corner and keep your eyes fixed forward. You’re hyper-aware of Ken’s every shift and fidget beside you, but fortunately he doesn’t try to start a conversation again. In fact, he stays quiet the whole rest of the way.

Fifteen minutes later, your van pulls into the mostly empty parking lot of a small building. As soon as Hongbin, Jaeeun and Ravi vacate the middle seat, you hurry to exit the van. But your feet catch on the forgotten padded jacket that’s now tangled around your calves, and you start to tumble headfirst onto the concrete.

“Noona—!”

Someone’s chest breaks your fall. You clutch wildly at their arms as you struggle to get your feet underneath you, heartbeat racing from the close call.

“Are you okay, Y/N-ah?” Jaeeun’s worried voice comes from nearby.

You shake your hair back and look up to see her peering at you beside Ravi, whose body was apparently the buffer between you and the cold hard ground. “Ah—yes, yes. Sorry, Ravi.”

“Careful, noona.” Ravi quickly scoops the jacket from around your legs as you wobble upright.

“Thank you.” You step back and give him a quick bow of thanks.

“Keep the jacket on, Y/N-ah, it’s cold out,” Jaeeun advises, taking the jacket from Ravi and draping it around you.

You’re about to say it isn’t yours, but then Ken comes over, eyes fixed on you, and you quickly clamp your mouth shut.

“Here you are!” Changyeon calls as he approaches from the other van, everyone else following behind. “Finally made it, eh?”

“Our vans must have different GPS systems,” says Homyeon-manager goodnaturedly.

“Thank goodness Y/N-ah stayed awake, unlike these sleepyheads,” says Jaeeun, reaching up to half-toss an arm around Ravi.

“Saem, you slept too!” he defends.

“ _I_ was getting my beauty sleep,” she says. “You’re already so beautiful, what’s your excuse?”

“Aish, saem…” Ravi ducks his head, neck turning red, while the other members react with similar embarrassment.

Movement draws your attention to Soonil, who’s drifted over beside you to watch Jaeeun rib the members with a fond smile on his face.

“I missed this,” he murmurs to you.

“Mm.” You reach out and link your pinky with his. “We missed you.”

“Even though you forgot our birthdays,” Daesuk adds as he joins the two of you.

“Even though you forgot our birthdays,” you agree.

Soonil chuckles. “Blame it on the—” He drops his voice. “—new-parent brain.”

“Speaking of.” Ahwon pops up behind you with Hyeomi beside her. “We’re getting together in Soonil’s room after dinner, got it?”

“We are?” you say.

Hyeomi gives you a meaningful look. “Don’t you want to see pictures?”

“And video-call with Dagun?” Ahwon says.

“Oh!” You get it. “Yes, definitely!”

“We don’t know who’s rooming with who yet, though,” Daesuk cautions.

Soonil nods toward Changyeon. “Hyung’s going over that now, so let’s listen up.”

“…We’ve got ten rooms,” Changyeon is saying as he hands out key cards, “so the managers and Soonil will each get their own room, and everyone else will double up.”

“Wait,” Soonil speaks up, “you should take the single room, hyung, I don’t need a room to myself.”

“Well, you’re getting one anyway,” Changyeon says, and then moves on before anyone can protest. “So, Taekwoon with me, Jaehwan with Wonshik and Hongbin with Hyuk, and then Jaeeun with Y/N, Daesuk with Gyuseok and Ahwon with Hyeomi,” he reels off. “Any questions?”

You exchange a quick grin with Daesuk. Soonil getting his own room just makes it that much easier for your crew to get together.

“Do we have dinner plans for today?” Jaeeun asks.

Kang-manager nods. “Let’s meet up here after everyone drops off their luggage, and we’ll head into town together to find a restaurant.”

Everyone breaks up into smaller groups as they find their pairs, and Jaeeun heads over to you. “Looks like we’ve got an end room,” she says, flashing the key card labelled 101.

You fall into step beside her toward the small building, fiddling with the jacket around your shoulders. “Er, saem, do you happen to know who this belongs to?”

She scrunches her brow in confusion. “What, it’s not yours?”

“No… when I woke up in the van, someone had covered me with it.” That someone being Ken, who you’d prefer not to speak to for the next century or so. If Jaeeun can help you return it to its rightful owner, then that’s a happy ending for all parties as far as you’re concerned.

But she shakes her head: “No idea, sorry.”

“It’s mine, noona.”

Ken’s voice, from behind you.

With dread, you slowly turn back to see him approaching, eyes fixed on you like he’s never looked away since the two of you left the van.

“Oh,” you manage, sidling closer to Jaeeun as he nears. “Thank you.” You move to slip it off, but he shakes his head firmly.

“Keep it for now,” he says, and the absence of his usual trademark smile makes his face look so serious that your protest dies in your throat.

“Swing by our room after dinner to pick it up,” Jaeeun suggests.

“I will.” Ken’s still looking at you. “I’ll text you, noona.”

“Okay,” is all you can say. Really, how else are you supposed to answer?

As long as Jaeeun sticks around as a sort of chaperone, you might be lucky enough to get away with never talking about your van confession again. After all, this surely isn’t the first time Ken’s heard this kind of thing.

You might be lucky enough. Right?

Right??


End file.
